Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 101662 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 508(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 339(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101662 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 508(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 339(@300wpm)
Gabriel Sinclair would forever be my first. My first best friend, my first kiss, my first love…and my first heartbreak. The accident that nearly took his life ripped the memory of me from his grasp—and for the last decades, I've let the guilt of that one terrible night keep us apart.
It took me years to make peace with the fact that he would no longer be in my life, so when he shows up as the architect for my new home, my world's tossed upside down. Now, I'm trapped in a loveless marriage, raising a child, while Gabriel stirs up feelings I thought long buried. It feels like my soul is waking up after years of being in a deep slumber—and my controlling husband will do whatever it takes to keep us apart.
I know I should push Gabriel away to protect him from the shadows surrounding me. Yet, I can't deny the hope that blooms whenever he's near—the chance that he might remember me, that we could reclaim the chapters of our story that we've lost.
Nothing good could come from us, but I can't help but wonder what would happen if this time...he stayed.
There once was a man who loved me… And now he's my only hope for tomorrow
*************FULL BOOK START HERE*************
Prologue
Kierra
Nineteen Years Old
Blood trickled down my forehead, landing on my slightly parted lips. I licked it from my mouth as I stared at Gabriel’s mom, Amma, searching for any sign of forgiveness in her brown eyes. For any sign of understanding. I hunted for any evidence that she didn’t blame me. That she could still see me as me and not as the monster who destroyed her family’s life. That it wasn’t my fault, even though I knew it was.
It was all my fault.
I kept searching Amma’s expression for understanding, yet no sign of hope existed.
I saw the truth in her eyes. The moment she began to blame me. The second she let go of any form of love she had for me. I shivered from my soaked clothes as she stood still in front of me.
My body trembled in fear of her next words or actions as I stepped toward her. I felt as if I’d forgotten how to breathe, how to move air in and out of my lungs. Everything felt heavy and hard and confusing and…
What have I done?
“Amma…” I stopped as she held a hand up in front of me. With one shake of her head she told me everything she felt without uttering a sound.
She wanted me to stay away. She wanted me to drown in my misery while she suffered in her own.
“Are they…are they okay?” I asked her. “Are Elijah and Gabriel okay?”
“They’re in surgery. They…” She shut her eyes and let out a pained cry.
Oh my goodness.
They weren’t okay.
I was going to be sick.
The hospital lights flickered overhead as the aching of my heart intensified. Tears mixed with the dripping blood, blurring my vision. A whimpered sob broke from me as I shook my head and rushed over to her, tugging on her work uniform. Begging, pleading, praying for her forgiveness, for an update, for any evidence that somehow Elijah and Gabriel were all right. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please, Amma.” I sobbed uncontrollably. I wrapped my fingers tightly around the fabric of her shirt, tugging as if I were holding on for dear life.
“Let go, Kierra,” she whispered. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she shook her head. “Let go.”
“No,” I whimpered, holding on tighter. Because I knew once I let go, the reality of the situation would sink in. I knew when I let go, I’d be letting go forever.
“Don’t let me go, Amma,” I begged. I wanted to bury myself against her and search for comfort that I didn’t deserve. I wanted to go back to yesterday, when everything was okay. When everything was filled with joy. When every breath wasn’t so damn painful.
When she still loved me like the daughter she never had.
Before she could reply, her husband, Frank, came around the corner. He brushed his thumb against his nose and sniffled. “I just spoke with the doctor…and Eli… He didn’t… He…” Before he could finish, Frank broke into sobs.
Amma let out a cry that pierced my ears as her knees began to buckle.
Elijah.
He didn’t make it.
Elijah was Frank’s son. Gabriel was his stepson.
Amma and Frank had met a few years ago at a group therapy for individuals who’d lost their former partners. Through the grief of those losses, they found comfort in each other and fell in love. From that love came Elijah, Gabriel’s half brother.
Gabriel…
How was he?
What was the update on him? I needed an update on Gabriel.
Oh my goodness, Elijah didn’t make it.
My chest felt on fire as Amma fell to the floor, howling in pain. Frank hurried over and wrapped her in his arms as they shattered together.
My breath caught in my throat as the panic of the situation hit me. I stepped toward Amma and Frank in an attempt to comfort them both, but Amma shook her hand toward me. “No!” she shouted. “Get away from us, Kierra! You did this! You killed him. You did this!”
I stumbled backward. When I looked into her eyes, I saw it. I saw all the heartbreak bleeding out of her. Frank raked his hand through his messy hair as the tears kept falling faster and faster. “Fuck!” he shouted, his rage mixing with his sorrow. A rage that wouldn’t have existed if it weren’t for me.
Elijah was dead. Gone. Once living, now gone. And he was gone because of me. All because of me.
Frank muttered the cussword one last time as he placed the palms of his hands over his eyes. This time, the word was filled with a kind of aching that I wasn’t certain hearts could ever heal from—with a pain so deep that it seemed as if he’d be trapped within that heartache forever. It was quiet. A whisper of sorts. An ending. A final goodbye. “Fuck.”
“Leave,” Amma ordered me. “Now.”
I didn’t know what else to do or what else to say, so I walked away. I walked out of the hospital, back into the snowstorm, and I paused in the middle of the parking lot. As I stood there, a car pulled up. The headlights shone on me, reminding me that I was still alive, but barely living. I should’ve been gone, not Elijah. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right.