Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
With tears in my eyes, I slowly turned to face him again. He bled remorse and sympathy. I hated the pain on his face. As if his girlfriend leaving him wasn’t enough, I just dumped my emotional baggage onto him. I gave him the exact measurements of the gigantic pedestal on which I’d placed him atop.
It wasn’t his fault that I felt humiliated, foolish, and lost. Love was the most vulnerable emotion. It exposed the heart.
It stole breaths.
Made sane people crazy.
And in its unrequited form, love was so humbling.
“Gabby—”
“No.” I held up my hand. “Please don’t say anything.” I tipped my head back, gazing at the ceiling while taking a long breath. “And please don’t tell anyone.”
When I looked at him again, he returned a sad smile. “Ben’s a lucky guy.”
I laughed. “He’s deaf. I don’t think he would agree with you.”
“Ben’s a lucky guy,” Matt repeated, matter-of-factly.
I bowed my head and stared at my fingers, picking at my nails. “I just really thought it would be you.”
Matt sat on the end of his bed. “Come here.” He held out his hand.
After a few seconds of hesitation, I stepped toward him, giving him my hand.
He pulled me to stand between his spread legs. “I’m still trying to figure out my life. But I can tell you from my experience of loving and losing people that timing is everything. When I told Julianne about Sarah, she said it was timing. But not like it wasn’t our time. It was our time, but our time ended. As someone who was raised to believe that we’re meant to find ‘the one,’ marry them, and spend eternity with them, that was hard for me to understand. But if Sarah hadn’t left me, I wouldn’t have met Julianne. And if Julianne weren’t moving to California, I wouldn’t have made a complete ass of myself in the bathroom with you.”
I laughed, and in the next blink, tears escaped.
He wiped them from my cheeks. “And had I not done that, we might not be here now. And maybe our time is short, or maybe our time is yet to come. But no one has ever made me feel as special as you just did. I wish I could say I think I deserve it.” He tucked his chin, resting his hands on my hips. “But I don’t. Not now.”
Maybe our time is yet to come.
His words swirled in my mind, kicking up possibilities like dust that would settle in time.
I wiped my eyes as he lifted his gaze to mine. “I picked the right guy to have a crush on.”
He grinned. “I’m honored.”
“Had this gone further, do you think you might have called me Julianne?”
Matt laughed. “Perhaps. Does that make you feel better?”
I nodded. “Are you lying?”
He rolled his lips between his teeth to hide his grin.
I stepped back, shaking my head. “Of course you wouldn’t say the wrong name. Duh. Of course, I’m the only stupid one.”
“Come on,” he stood. “I’ll drive you home, Jules.” He shoved his feet into his tennis shoes.
I smirked.
“Oops. I mean Jenny. Wait. No. What’s your name again?”
I shoved him playfully as he passed me to open the bedroom door.
Had someone told me that before the end of my first semester of college, I would almost have sex with Matt Cory, kiss my best friend, and watch him get in a car to go home because he lost his hearing to meningitis, I would have laughed at an idea so preposterous.
As Matt drove me home, I mourned the loss of dreams and reluctantly welcomed the beginning of what my sisters promised would happen at some point: questioning my faith in God.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
JANET JACKSON, “MISS YOU MUCH”
Gabby
“How’s Ben?” I asked my mom while Olivia painted her toenails red. Snow swirled with the wind outside our dorm room window. It was one week until Thanksgiving.
“Gabriella, I appreciate the daily calls as opposed to weekly check-ins, but you can’t expect me to have new updates about Ben every day.”
It had been seven weeks since he left.
Seven weeks without talking to him.
Seven weeks of sending him letters without a response back.
Seven weeks of feeling lost.
It was also the first time I’d gone more than a week without seeing or talking to him.
“Did you tell Carmen to tell him to write me back?”
“Yes, dear, but she said he’s been shutting everyone out. Your dad suggested we give him space, keep him in our prayers, and in time, God will speak to him. We just have to be patient.”
“Is he learning sign language?”
“No. He has no interest in learning it right now. And until his parents learn it too, it won’t do much to help him.”
“Did you tell her you’ve been learning it?” Olivia mumbled.
I shook my head at her. It was my goal to surprise Ben at Thanksgiving. I was taking it three nights a week through Ann Arbor’s community education courses. But it would not be a pleasant surprise if I was the only one who knew how to sign anything.