Total pages in book: 49
Estimated words: 47103 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 236(@200wpm)___ 188(@250wpm)___ 157(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 47103 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 236(@200wpm)___ 188(@250wpm)___ 157(@300wpm)
“I like the one we have better.”
Aaron frowned. “Matty, this is serious.”
“And I’m giving a serious opinion. I genuinely like the natural wood. It goes with the house…stuff.” Believe it or not, I had a reputation for being sophisticated and eloquent in a professional setting. I was floundering here, but in my defense, I didn’t understand why he was second-guessing this purchase. It wasn’t like him at all. “Aar, what’s up?”
“I just want to get this right.”
As much as I wanted to tell my husband my skin was crawling and remind him that we had a fucking crib at home, I sensed there was something else on his mind and it was best to tread lightly.
“I get that. If you want my opinion, I say we go with what we have. It’s nice.”
“Nice,” he repeated, shifting his gaze to yet another crib.
Okay, I was going to have to peel off my coat and undo my tie. Was it warm in here, or was it me?
“Aaron…talk it out. What are you thinking?”
He worried his bottom lip and crossed his arms. “I don’t know. I suddenly can’t make a decision to save my life.”
“But you already made the decision, and it was a good one.”
“Was it, though? You have no idea how many car seat options there are, Matty. So, so many. And everyone says you need more than one stroller—a primary one and one that you pop the car seat into. Some people love a traditional pram. And I’m one of them. Your mom is convinced we’re having a girl and if so, she has strong opinions about the eucalyptus going best with white furnishing. Of course she called it green with a big emphasis on the g-r. And my mom says she had a dream that we had a boy and it felt like a premonition. My mom’s premonitions are scarily accurate. Also…we’re officially at the exact same place we were when everything went to hell in a horrible knock-off handbag with Cassie.”
Ahh, so that was it.
I drew him into my arms and kissed the top of his head. Two women shopping in the stroller section glanced our way, but so what? My man needed me.
“I get it, baby. I do,” I whispered. “But this is different.”
He nodded against my chest. “I know. I’m just…scared.”
“Is this why you haven’t wanted to talk about doing those breathing classes with Lena?”
“We signed up for it, and we’ll go. We have to do everything we can to support Lena and make the birth easier for her and the baby. But talking about it could throw this off-kilter and—”
“Aaron…”
“I know, I know.” He pulled away with a frustrated sigh. “But we did a Lamaze class. Remember? It was so fun, and Cassie was adorable. It’s a sweet memory that went sour.”
“Not gonna happen this time,” I assured him again.
He glanced at the wide array of baby paraphernalia on display and nodded. “I want everything to be perfect, and life doesn’t work like that.”
“No, it doesn’t. But slips and slides along the way sometimes lead us where we didn’t know we were supposed to be. I mean…what are the chances of us meeting at a gay club on a dance floor in the dark all those years ago? And what are the chances that you’d want anything to do with a closeted bi dude? Yet here we are.” I brushed his hair from his eyes and cradled his nape. “This life we’ve built is an adventure with ups and downs, but we’ve got this, Aar. Like it or not, our kid won’t be perfect and we won’t be perfect dads, and that’s okay. We’ll try our best every day and a few decades from now, we’ll be old and gray with yellow teeth and paunch bellies.”
“Ew, we’ll be well-preserved.”
“And we’ll sit on our rocking chairs and talk about our kids and grandkids, and good times, and we’ll laugh, and be grateful to have so much damn love in our lives.”
Aaron wiped at tears with a laugh. “I can’t believe I’m crying in a Stork Emporium.”
“Oops. And I don’t have a tissue. You’ll have to use your sleeve,” I joked, kissing his forehead.
“On my cashmere coat? I think not.” He smiled up at me with watery eyes. “If I haven’t mentioned this today, I love you.”
This time, I squashed him to my chest, rocking back and forth till he called uncle and shooed me away.
We chuckled, turning with hands clasped, to conquer new dad things.
twelve
Our Lamaze instructor was a petite brunet with a French accent and a calming presence who spoke in hushed tones as she paced the classroom in the hospital annex.
“Good evening, I am Monique. Félicitations to you all. Let us begin, oui?” She spread her arms wide and cast a beatific glance at the ten couples gathered. And yes, we were the only two dads accompanying a surrogate. However, there was a lesbian couple, which was cool.