Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92067 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92067 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
When I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to die. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell Mom or Dad. There was no way. My baby brother Carlos—who is really not a baby anymore and towers over me—has tried to be there for me since Diego died, but he’s not home much since joining my dad’s club. Now that he’s patched in, he spends his time communing with his brethren and proving he’s more than the president’s son. I wasn’t about to tell him I was pregnant either. That would lead to questions that I couldn’t handle and perhaps new looks of disgust by my father.
I know I eventually will have to tell them, but I’m thinking it won’t happen until after I have my child. Dad and Mom will have questions. I’ll tell them I got drunk and had a one-night stand. I’ve already proven I’m not a good person. I’ll convince them easily that it’s the truth. They’ll accept that I have no idea who the father is and let it go. I believe that my parents—especially my dad—will be happy, because it’s better than the truth. Besides, he’ll be good as long as he doesn’t have to see me every day. I could assure him that he has no worries when it comes to that. I’m never going back to Kentucky. Ever.
I did think about ending my pregnancy. It would have probably been the smart thing to do. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I definitely could have used a friend when I found out, but I’d fucked that up too. Heck, since the death of Diego, I was nothing but an outsider anywhere I go. The only one beside Carlos who bothered to talk to me at all was Aunt Katie. If I told her I was pregnant though, she’d tell Mom. I couldn’t go there. That meant when it got to be too much, I searched out the one person I thought would let me cry without judgment. She was probably the last person I should have called, but I did it anyway. Nicole.
She’s been so good to me—better than I deserve, considering I tried to ruin her son’s life. I’ve apologized to Dom and Thea. I don’t think Dom believed me, but Thea shocked me. I thought she would spit in my face, but she hugged me and told me how sorry she was about Diego. She’s even texted me here and there. If someone would have told me I’d find more understanding from the people I hurt than my own family, I would have never believed it. Still, I limit my interaction with any of them—except Nicole—because I’ve done enough to all of them. I tried to make amends where I could—including apologizing to Lyla and Thomas. They weren’t quite as forgiving as Thea, but I understood. Lyla said she hoped I meant it and concentrated on moving forward as a better person. I assured her I was, and I’ve really tried hard to do that.
Some days are easier than others. There are good and bad moments. Today is definitely one of the bad ones. I didn’t really expect to see King again. I wasn’t ready. I know I should talk to him, but I’m not ready. I’m not strong enough to keep my defenses up with him. He’s the only person I’ve ever completely laid things bare to. I really like and admire him. I don’t want to see the pity that I know would shine on his face. I could lie to him, but I couldn’t live with myself if I did that. He deserves my honesty.
I shake my head, exhaling in annoyance at myself. I’m a mess. I always have been, but I need to be better. Soon, I’ll have another life depending on me. I’ll be the only person he or she has. I’ve got to get my shit together. I’ll find a way to be normal around King if he’s still there this evening—though I figure he only came here to help his dad and will be heading back to Virginia. I’m glad for Dragon that King is spending more time with him. Nicole has told me how much he wants a relationship with his oldest son. I think he was worried about me talking to his wife, but he has been nicer to me—although I give him a wide berth. He kind of scares me.
I rub my stomach absently, then I take my phone out to check the time. Lottie is an hour late. She has it in her head that her and Iris are going to form their own club. In reality, they already have, they’re just doing it under the radar. Lottie’s dad, Diesel, doesn’t allow women in their club—well, other than as candy for the boys to indulge in. Hell, any club I’ve ever known has had that rule in place. I don’t know how she’s keeping her club under wraps so that Diesel’s and other clubs in the area don’t know about them, but so far, they’ve managed. They invited me in—which shocked me. I’m tight with the girls and they accept me like I am. Still, I may not look it, but I’m almost seven months pregnant and that doesn’t scream biker bitch. I don’t really want that for me or my child either.