Total pages in book: 202
Estimated words: 193561 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 968(@200wpm)___ 774(@250wpm)___ 645(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 193561 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 968(@200wpm)___ 774(@250wpm)___ 645(@300wpm)
I’m not looking forward to going back. Yeah, Wyatt has made promises, swears everything will be so much better after he has what he’s working towards, but the truth is that Wyatt has not once ever made things okay. Why would it be any different this time? No, I don’t believe anything will be okay if he continues to run everything into the dirt, but the immediate threat and what could happen in the near future is what needs to drive me.
The brighter future Aphra hinted at struck a spark of hope. Even though I’ve never been one to chalk things up to fate or destiny. Because if it was all down to fate, why have our people suffered so much and for so long? Does fate want that for us? Do we deserve it? Would someone as powerless as me really be destined to fix life for so many?
Nobody else is coming to save us. Most of our strongest are dead or have fled. So if I have to change everything about who I am to give us a chance, it’s what I have to do.
Yes, I’d forsake my own brother for a better future. Because he’s the one who’s keeping us in this bleak, hopeless existence. He’s the reason so many in my pack cry themselves to sleep. For what we don’t have. For what we’ve lost. For the things he does.
The women in my pack deserve a far better life than what they currently have. There are some males who do, too. And stopping this awful cycle now could mean it’s not too late with the boys in the pack who aren’t yet men. Like Lucas.
Everyone does what Wyatt wants. Nobody speaks up. He’s chased off or done away with anyone who would be a threat, so the rest aren’t about to defy him. Except, hopefully, Malachi. But Mal needs the opportunity to force change. What I’m about to do could buy him that. Could buy us all a chance.
I need to dig deep and get this done. For everyone’s sake. Even if it’s abhorrent to me. I’ve been telling myself, it’s just a target. Point and pull the trigger, then go. Don’t think too much about it. Don’t.
But of course it’s all I’ve been thinking about. What could happen if I do it. What will happen if I don’t.
There’s no way around it; this thing I have to do; I haven’t got a choice. Even though seeing some of them interact, overhearing some of their conversations… Tyson Savage doesn’t seem like what I expected.
I’ve paid attention to him with the other alphas when they don’t know I’m watching, and they don’t act like the males in my pack act. Maybe they’re a little more like us than I expected, the us my pack used to be, a long time ago. Long before Tyson Savage killed my father.
I was young when my grandfather was alpha, but I do have memories of that time, of things being different then. I have flashes of memories like adults frolicking as wolves. How the women seemed happier. How much I looked forward to the days when the adults in the pack would shift and run together. How much everyone cared about one another. How much laughing we did.
Like these shifters seem to do.
I was astounded the first few times with Aphra in these woods, shielded from view by her magic to watch them. Aphra came twice, then because of Wyatt’s nonsense I had to do it without her. I’ve had more than a bit of guesswork to contend with without Aphra. I told her the last time I saw her that I consider her my friend. I’m also doing this to protect her daughter who we’ve looked after since she disappeared. I know Wyatt used her to get Aphra to do his bidding. And now he’s using her for leverage with me, too.
Time ticks endlessly. Maybe they’ve broken their usual routine. Stubbornly, I wait, because although these alphas are creatures of habit, like the majority of men from what I’ve noted, I don’t want to try again tomorrow. I don’t think my soul can take another day of this stress. Then again, what will my soul look like after I do this?
Oh! Finally… here they come.
My heart kicks up before immediately divebombing as my nose tells me my target isn’t with them. Relief weaves with disappointment. Because I want and need this part over with, though I loathe that I’m the one that has to do it.
I’ll have to keep thinking about it, dreading it, until at least tomorrow. And last night was the longest night of my life because of anticipating today. But tonight will probably feel even longer if I have to keep anticipating it.
Jimmy has been asking if that alpha has come into the diner, hoping I could find a way to slip him the herb, but I’ve told him, “No such luck.” And I told him I’ve done the only thing I can think of doing without Aphra’s guidance. Stretch what little of the herbs I have left by soaking them and making a tincture. I painted the bullets in the herb mixed with the rest of Aphra’s spelled carrier oil so that when it enters him, maybe he won’t be able to shift and heal.