Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 70630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Wait, when did I start thinking of Connor as mine?
The day I saw him.
I knocked again. “Connor!”
Footsteps. Finally. The lock clicked and Connor opened the door. He looked amazing. He’d been gorgeous in his dress clothes, but now he stood before me in a ratty USMC t-shirt and tiny gym shorts that showed off his thick thighs. He was everything a military fantasy was meant to be. I wanted to go down on my knees, kiss those lightly furred muscles, rip off those tantalizing shorts…
“You here to stare or do you have something to say?” His tone was ice cold.
“I’m sorry.”
He gave a curt nod. “That’s a start.”
“Can I come in?”
He studied me for a few seconds, then stepped back without saying more.
I entered. I hadn’t thought he would forgive me instantly, but I had expected him to be angry, not cold and distant.
“I should have told you.” I wasn’t going to defend my actions. I’d been an idiot.
“That you’re leaving?” At least the ice had melted enough for sarcasm.
“I’m not—”
“Show me the courtesy of being honest.” Now his eyes showed the anger I’d expected. He was not going to give an inch.
“I haven’t decided what to do. That’s why I didn’t say anything to you. I realize now that I made the wrong choice. I told myself I didn’t want to worry you, but actually, I was afraid.”
“That I’d try to hold you back?”
“No.” Afraid I’d stay, and you’d leave me. “Fuck, I screwed this up.”
“I wouldn’t have tried to make you turn it down.” The pain in his voice crushed me. I wasn’t sure I could keep going. But I had to. I couldn’t give up now.
“I never thought you would. I swear.” I’d been far more worried about the opposite—that he’d insist I take the opportunity.
“David knew, didn’t he?”
Was that the real issue? “I hadn’t even met you when I applied for the job.”
“Is that a yes?”
I nodded. I shouldn’t have to justify myself for sharing something with my best friend. You wouldn’t have to if you’d just told Connor too. “I should have told you as soon as I received the offer, but I was going to tell—”
“When? Once your bags were packed. Do you understand what I—”
He turned away and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes.
Fuck! I could guess what he’d almost said. He’d pushed himself to come out for me.
He should have done it for himself.
But he did it for me.
He still hasn’t told Mario.
And why should he? Why should he do anything I asked when I treated him like I didn’t trust him? Instead of listening to the self-critical voice, I let anger build inside me. “You chose to go out with me. I didn’t force you.”
He turned to me, snarling. “Fuck that.”
I wished I could take the words back. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m all mixed up right now.”
“Are you honestly saying you’d have kept going out with me if I’d insisted we keep things secret, if I’d refused to go out in public?” He sounded so angry and the way he was looking at me now, like he hated me, made me sick inside.
“I don’t—”
“I did what you wanted me to do. I let you set the rules, let you be in charge. I tried to be the man you wanted. And you couldn’t even let me know that it might have all been for nothing because you were leaving.”
Anger raced through me, heating me up and taking away all my good judgment. “For nothing? Seriously? Being honest about who you are is for nothing?”
“Maybe I just want to live in my world, not yours where people think I’m an idiot because I don’t have PhD after my name. If they had any fucking clue what I’d done in the Marines, what Marines are out there doing every fucking day—”
“Wait. I’ve never thought—”
“I’d like to believe that but whether you do or not, your friends do.”
“Which friends?” I was baffled. “Not David. He’s protective but he admires what you’ve done with your business.”
“The assholes at your party don’t.” Hurt shone in his eyes.
Angela had said she’d rescued him from Ash. Goddammit! “Those men at the party are not my friends. Angela is my friend, and she thought you were awesome.”
“Maybe she does, but it doesn’t change things. I’m not meant to live in your world.”
I couldn’t contain my anger at his assumption. “My world? I never… If you’d said something you wanted to do, I would have been fine with it. I was just making suggestions for us. Except for tonight. I had to go, and I thought… I wanted… Obviously, I made a mistake.”
“Yeah, you did. I told you I couldn’t be the man you wanted and now you’ve seen it in action.”
I wanted to fucking kill Ash. I wished I could go back and change the whole evening, but I couldn’t. “What about you? Who do you want to be?”