Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 119548 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 598(@200wpm)___ 478(@250wpm)___ 398(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 119548 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 598(@200wpm)___ 478(@250wpm)___ 398(@300wpm)
“By cuddling you.”
“I—” I stopped. Okay, so she was technically correct, but it wasn’t like I’d just climbed into his lap for a lovey-dovey snuggle, was it? I cried, so he hugged me to make me feel better.
That was normal best friend behaviour.
“I don’t know who your boyfriend is,” Nana started, taking her glasses off to clean the right lens with her handkerchief. “But I have to say, he must pass the Fred-check.”
“The Fred-check? What on Earth is that when it’s at home?”
“It means Fred must approve of your future husband or I won’t allow it.”
“Why is my marriage contingent upon Fred’s acceptance? You can’t tell me I should date him then assign him a fatherly role, Nana.”
“Because if your husband is good enough for Fred, he’s good enough for you.”
I blinked at her.
The woman was insane.
On the other hand, that did give me a cheeky little out of the whole situation I’d gotten myself in. I could just bribe someone to be my boyfriend, make Fred not approve of him, and bam. Problem solved, right?
I already knew he wasn’t a fan of Danny…
No, no.
That was a very dangerous path to walk down.
Before I knew it, Fred really would be the final hurdle for any future relationships I had.
That was almost worse than thinking about the clusterfuck of fuckery I’d get myself into by pretending I was into Danny.
“Absolutely not,” I said. “Fred cannot be the one approving of my relationships. That’s a recipe for disaster.”
“Why’s that, dear? He’s a good lad, that one. He won’t be too unkind.”
Granny nodded. “That’s right, sweetie. You know Fred wouldn’t do you wrong.”
Um, excuse me, Granny, have you forgotten the whole situation where he proposed to me to lie to your best friend?
“I’m not having this conversation anymore.” I waved my hands in front of my face and reached for my tea. “This is getting too crazy. I’m not going to parade any boyfriends in front of Fred, he’s not going to approve of them, absolutely not, no way.”
Nana paused, then bobbed her head. “You’re right. I suppose that would be quite cruel to him, what with his soft spot for you and all.”
Oh, Jesus bloody Christ, take the wheel, would ya? Steer this conversation elsewhere, please.
Like off a cliff.
“Very true, Judy,” Granny agreed, nodding along with her until I thought their heads might fall off. “I’ve always thought our Fred might have a little something for Deli, so asking him to vet her partners would be too much.”
Did she have a mirror to a parallel universe where we were married with three kids or something?
Ugh. What a thought.
“You’re not alone, Maggie,” Nana replied. “I could have sworn there was something between them when they were kids. I once caught them kissing, you know.”
Kill me. Right here, right now. Choke me with a scone or something. Anything. Literally anything.
“I thought I did once, too, but Fred said he was just getting a knot out of her hair,” Granny mused.
How the hell did she even remember that?
Weren’t you supposed to lose your memory with age?
How were these two sharper than me?
“Well, if our Fred can’t be her husband or vet her partners, I suppose he’ll be the standard we must hold her boyfriend to. If he doesn’t treat her as well as Fred, it won’t work. He treats her like a princess, after all.”
The captive princess of an enemy nation, maybe.
Granny hummed her agreement. “I’ll judge Deli’s lover the way I’d judge my own grandchildren’s,” she assured Nana. “Although, I’ll never stop hoping these two see reason and realise they’re perfect for each other.”
“They really are. And they know each other so well. There’d be none of those nasty surprises down the line.”
“I completely agree with you, my dear friend. You know, I’d seriously have reconsidered marrying Albert if I knew about his chronic snoring. Thank God, Fred hasn’t inherited that.”
“If that isn’t a good reason to marry him, what is?” Nana said, daintily taking a cake from the stand. “Of course, Deli doesn’t snore either, but she does sometimes talk in her sleep. She once won Crufts with our old dog, Benny, you know.”
I had no recollection of that dream whatsoever. Honestly, that sounded like a bit of a good thing. That dog was absolutely fucking mental—he could barely chase a tennis ball without going off on a tangent, never mind complete one those fancy agility courses, so God only knew what Benny Boy was doing winning Crufts of all things.
“That’s just what makes her charming,” Granny replied. “I do hope that boyfriend of hers isn’t too mean to her.”
They’ve forgotten I’m here, haven’t they?
“Oh, I feel the same. You know what people are like these days. They’re sweet as sugar until they’ve got you hooked, then you really find out who they are.”