Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 119548 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 598(@200wpm)___ 478(@250wpm)___ 398(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 119548 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 598(@200wpm)___ 478(@250wpm)___ 398(@300wpm)
But now, we really would be.
I swallowed hard and looked at my plate, picking up my fork. It was my favourite food in the world, but my appetite was completely dead. The guilt of lying was eating at me, and I knew it would for however long we lived this deceit.
Could I really do this?
Could I truly live such a lie? We had no idea how long Nana would live. It could be the few months Dr Anthony had given her, or she could defy expectations and live for years. Nothing was guaranteed.
What if it was years? Would we have to stay married for it all? What if one of us did meet someone we truly loved? Even though we’d agreed to be honest and break things off, I hadn’t considered what would happen if such an event occurred before Nana died.
If all of this was to make her happy, could I bear to break her heart?
No. But I couldn’t bear to hurt one of the people I loved most in this world, either. Fred and I had once joked that we were platonic soulmates because we understood each other in a way nobody else could fathom, and I wanted nothing more than for him to be happy.
That was why, even though the thought had briefly flashed across my mind, I hadn’t suggested that we get married.
It’d been him.
Someone’s foot touched mine, resting softly on top of it, and I glanced up. My gaze met Fred’s warm, reassuring one, and he smiled gently at me. The softness of his face sent a rush of comfort through me, and I returned his smile.
He knew I’d figured it out. He knew exactly what I was thinking right now. He knew every bit of guilt, insecurity, and unease that was humming through my veins. Heck, he was probably experiencing some of it, too.
For a moment, I felt it.
Relief.
Relief that we were in this together. That we could be honest and open with each other like we always were. That neither of us had to bear the guilt of lying to our families alone.
Yeah.
If I had to fake-marry anyone, I really was glad that it was him.
The meal continued without much of any input from us both. Nobody questioned our uncharacteristic silence, likely because they all knew that Fred was proposing tonight. It didn’t matter much because this lot were perfectly capable of keeping four conversations running simultaneously, so I was able to poke my way through my meatballs seasoned with guilt without any questions.
When we were done, Fred rejected dessert and shot me a meaningful look. I followed suit with my own refusal, and he quickly excused us, helping me up. With his hand on the small of my back, he guided me out of the dining room.
When we were a good distance from everyone else, I sighed out a huge breath and ran my fingers through my hair, briefly pausing to work out a small knot. I sank against the wall and closed my eyes for a moment. “That was exhausting.”
“Mhmm,” he replied, leaning against the wall opposite me. “Sorry to say it isn’t over yet.”
“Yeah, I worked that much out for myself.” I glanced across the hall at him. “Suppose it’s better to get it over and done with, right?”
“Right.” He rolled his head from side to work, working his neck muscles. “Are you all right?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah.” I folded my arms across my body and rubbed my hands across my bare upper arms. “It’s just weird, that’s all.”
“Yeah, I know.” He eyed me. “Deli, if you want to back out, we can do it now. This is our last chance.”
I stilled, and my gaze went to my left hand. It lingered there for a moment before I flicked my attention towards his pocket and the small bulge there.
And no, it was not his manhood.
“You mean once you propose tonight, there’s no backing out.”
He drew in a sharp breath, then chuckled, his shoulders sagging as he let it go. “I thought you’d figured it out. Nothing gets past you, does it?”
I motioned in the vague direction of the dining room. “Our families aren’t exactly discreet.”
“Yeah. I let them get carried away because I thought you’d prefer a heads up. I couldn’t tell you, because I knew you’d act like…” He hesitated. “Well, this.”
Yeah.
Made sense.
“But I’m just saying, all right? We don’t know how long we’ll have to keep up this act. If you really aren’t sure, let’s go back in there and come clean. Tell them we’re sorry, but we can’t do this, and it was never supposed to go this far.”
I opened my mouth to say something, anything, then stopped. What could I say? No? Let’s not do this really stupid, idiotic, fucking moronic thing like get married?
Actually, yeah.
I could say that.