Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 119548 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 598(@200wpm)___ 478(@250wpm)___ 398(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 119548 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 598(@200wpm)___ 478(@250wpm)___ 398(@300wpm)
“Yes,” she replied slowly.
“That’s how subtle you two tipsy tunas are.”
“Ah.”
Yes.
Ah.
As if half the estate hadn’t heard them whooping at their ‘gym bro’ videos during their little afternoon tete-a-tetes.
“Be good,” I said. “And I’ll teach you how to hook your phone up to the projector in the orangery so you can see your gym bros on a big screen.”
“That’s it,” Nana said, grabbing Granny’s arm. “We’re going sober, Maggie!”
Granny nodded in solidary. “Sober sisters!”
Bloody hell.
The sooner Fred came home to handle these two lunatics, the better.
24
* * *
FRED
Ellie batted her eyelashes at me. Her elbows were on her knees, and her hands were propping up her chin as she bore a hole in the side of my head with her gaze.
“Don’t you have a deadline?” I asked flatly, focusing on my book. “Some research or something to do?”
“Mhmm.” She nodded enthusiastically. “I’m writing a book where two best friends get fake married to get the heroine out of an arranged marriage.”
“Gee, I wonder where you got the inspiration for that.”
Her grin widened. “Freeed… Come on, help me out. I’ll dedicate the book to you.”
“I’d rather you didn’t publicise the semantics of my marriage,” I replied dryly. “And the answer is no. I have nothing to help you with.”
“But, but—”
“But, but nothing. Haven’t you already tortured me enough with that little bucket of sex toys?”
Her eyes lit up. “I have? How? Are you falling for Deli? Wait! Have you two used them?”
Having a romance author as one of my closest friends was hard work sometimes.
“Where’s Max?” I asked. “Does he know his girlfriend is bugging me with inappropriate questions?”
“Probably. He also probably doesn’t care.” She shrugged, finally sitting back on the sofa. “Besides, aren’t we friends? You helped me and Max before we got together. I just want to help you.”
“No, you want to extract information from me under the guise of help so you can get free material for your manuscript.”
She paused. “All right, fiiiine. I have a slight ulterior motive. Just a little one.” She pinched her finger and thumb together in front of her face. “I do care, though. At least tell me about the toys.”
I closed my book and pinched the bridge of my nose, resting my head back on the cushions. “Do not talk to me about that fucking bucket.”
She giggled like I’d just given her the juiciest bit of gossip she’d ever heard. “Have you used them?”
“Me? No. Delilah?” I dropped my hand and stared at her. “Oh, she’s very fond of that little bendy, sucky thing you put in there.”
“Ooh!” Ellie’s eyes widened. “Are you—”
“No,” I said quickly. “I’m not using it. I haven’t even touched it. I’m assuming it’s that one because she was positively delighted the first time she saw it, and it’s the only one missing.”
“Aw, Fred. I didn’t take you as someone with such fragile masculinity. Are you threatened by a little sex toy?”
“Hardly. There’s nothing wrong with my masculinity, thank you.” I rubbed my hand across my forehead. “I think I have too bloody much of it right now.”
“Hang on.” She sat forwards, her eyes widening even more. “How do you know she’s using it if you aren’t?”
“Don’t make me answer that. Please.”
She sat still for a moment, staring at my shoulder, then gasped loudly and sat back, clapping her hands over her mouth and drawing her knees into her chest. “Noooo!”
I knew exactly what conclusion she’d just reached, and unfortunately, it was the correct one.
Nothing got past her. It was quite unnerving.
“Oh, that’s gold.” She grabbed her phone, then stilled. “Sorry. Do you mind?”
“Do I mind if you write in your book that I can hear my best friend and fake wife getting herself off with a sex toy every other night? A little bit, but you’re going to twist this into your book somehow regardless of what I say, so you might as well.”
She giggled in glee, unlocked her phone, and paused again. “Do you think Deli will mind?”
“When you sent her those early copies of your last book, she buddy read it with my mother and squealed, ‘My God, I want this man to nail me like a hammer,’ in the middle of the garden, so no, I doubt it. Knowing her, she’d be honoured to be your muse and ask you how else she could assist you.”
“Really?”
“Yep.” I stared at her. “Everyone within earshot rushed over to see what they were reading and bought out the bookshop the day it came out. It was something I’ll never forget.”
“Aw.” She touched her hand to her chest. “I’ll put you both in the acknowledgements of this one.”
“Please don’t.”
Ellie rolled her eyes as her thumbs flew across the screen. “Thanks, Fred. I’ve been needing a bit of spice. I think a nice masturbation scene where the hero smashes one out to her moans in the next room will do the trick.”