Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 96600 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 483(@200wpm)___ 386(@250wpm)___ 322(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96600 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 483(@200wpm)___ 386(@250wpm)___ 322(@300wpm)
He pounced on me with a playful growl. I squealed and pretended to wriggle away, but I didn’t want to. All those bad feelings I’d been alone with in the dark vanished the moment his big, hard body covered mine.
And that was dangerous too. His closeness intoxicated me. Hypnotized me into ignoring my gut instincts and complicated emotions. That was infatuation. It wouldn’t last forever.
But I let it take me over, one last time.
And maybe it wasn’t fair, as he kissed his way down my body and spread my thighs, to let him think that this wasn’t the last time—at least, for now. Maybe I should have stopped him before he pushed into my body, before he pinned my hands to the mattress and drove into me so deep, I knew no one else would ever compare. When I came, guilt consumed me. When he flopped back on the pillows, still breathing hard, I stared up at the ceiling, totally numb.
“I’m going back to California.”
“Hmm?” He opened his eyes in the dim gray of the lightening room. “Tying up loose ends?”
“Something like that.” Fuck, there were the tears. I tried as hard as I could to disguise them. “I think we need to…not take a break but…”
He sat up. “Charlotte?”
“I’m sorry.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed and found my nightgown on the floor. The silky white chemise felt like armor when I put it on. I needed that space between our skin, a barrier for when he inevitably tried to hold me, or my resolve would crumble.
I wished I had a parka or a wet suit or something.
“Wait, wait.” He got up, too, dragging the sheet with him and holding it closed at his waist with the hand he used to lean on his cane. “What’s happening here?”
“We moved really fast.” There was no denying that, no matter how much I’d tried.
“We’ve been talking for months, we—”
“Talking. But we weren’t dating. It’s barely been a week since we decided to try this out,” I reminded him. “Matt, we went at this thing on warp speed.” Fuck, the nerd was rubbing off on me. “I think we need some space.”
“Space.” He nodded and rubbed his stubbled chin. “All right. Space but… You’re not breaking up with me, are you?”
“No. Not yet.” Why did I phrase it that way? “This was a test run of what our life would be like together. I know I said it didn’t bother me to come here and completely abandon my life, but I think—I know—that I need to make sure.”
His sigh of relief cut into my heart. He believed I would be back. I wanted to believe it too. But I couldn’t guarantee that I would be, and I wasn’t sure he realized it.
“Is this why you’ve been up all night?” he asked, moving toward me. “You were afraid I was going to be angry or something?”
“No. I was afraid I was going to hurt you.” I put my hand on his chest to stop him from getting too near. “And I had some things I needed to think about.”
“Which is hard to do when we’re always together. And always fucking.” He gave me a sad little chuckle. “You’re not my prisoner, Charlotte. And you don’t owe me anything. If you need time to think about us, about how you want this relationship to work, I’d rather you take it than let us both burn this thing we have out.”
“But what if I go and I don’t want to come back?”
He swallowed, then rasped, “Well. Then we deal with that when you make that decision. But it’s your decision to make. I can’t force you to be with me.”
“You’re taking this much better than I thought you would,” I said.
“It’s killing me.” His eyes shone and he looked down. “I don’t want to lose you. That’s why I can let you go. Don’t think that it’s easy or that I don’t care.”
I took his free hand and squeezed it. “Don’t think that about me, either, okay?”
“I don’t. When are you wanting to leave?” There was a little flicker of hope in his words that I didn’t want to snuff out.
I had to, though. “Today. Yeah. I think it would be better if I left today.”
“I don’t want to try to change your mind, but I have to know. Did I do something or say something—”
“No.” I lied. Because I was a liar. And a coward. “It’s just something I need to do.”
“Okay.” He nodded, lost in thought for a moment. “Okay, we can get you a plane ticket. Let me call my assistant.”
“Thanks.” I held his hand as he walked away, letting my touch linger. I watched him leave, then sat on the bed. The sky had changed, flooding the bedroom with bright golden light. Everything around me was so soft and clean and easy and beautiful.