Total pages in book: 149
Estimated words: 151384 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 757(@200wpm)___ 606(@250wpm)___ 505(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 151384 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 757(@200wpm)___ 606(@250wpm)___ 505(@300wpm)
“What would you have done?” Jenner asked.
“Fucking killed him!”
“I didn’t want you to die because of me. And you know that you didn’t have the power to go up against him. Besides . . . it wasn’t you he threatened to keep me quiet.”
Understanding filled Sampson’s face. “Immy.”
“Immy. He threatened to hurt her if I said anything. While he was hurting me, he’d talk about her. He’d tell me that he was going to ask the Deity for her to be his next wife and then he’d tell me in explicit detail what he’d do to her.”
“Fuck,” Sampson said in a raw voice. “Jenner.”
“You can imagine how much that fucked with my brain. Christ, I was a teenager. I thought Immy was cute. I liked her. Sometimes, I’d get hard when I saw her. But not after those beatings, after what he would say about what he . . . what he would do. Then I just felt ill when I looked at her . . . not because she was bad or wrong or anything about her. It was all about me.”
“I get it,” Sampson whispered.
“God, he fucked me up.” Being in control in the bedroom was the only way he could have sex. Being at the club had helped him a lot, and it was messing with him now that he couldn’t risk going.
“Does the idea of touching Immy make you feel ill?”
“I mean, not exactly. I touch her all the time. I guess it’s the thought that I might hurt her. That I might have something of him in me.”
“You don’t,” Sampson said fiercely. “You are nothing like our fucked up father.”
“I’d never forgive myself if I hurt her.”
“You won’t. The fact you’re so worried about it tells me you would take every care with her.”
“I’d need full control, though.”
“And you think Immy wouldn’t understand that if you told her?”
“I think she’s too sweet and innocent for that.”
Sampson shook his head. “You underestimate Immy. You should have some faith in her.”
Jenner still wasn’t sure he could trust himself. “I need to see a therapist again.”
“Yeah, you do. You need to sort this shit out. For your sake. And Immy’s. I know our father twisted everything up in your head. But it’s not wrong to want Immy and you would never harm her.”
“I was so scared he was going to get his hands on her. After the punishments, I’d go sleep on the floor of her room. To keep her safe from him.”
“Fuck.” Sampson leaned back, looking up at the ceiling.
“I’m fucked up, aren’t I?”
“Yep.”
Jenner huffed out a laugh. “I don’t think you’re meant to agree with me. I mean, think it, but don’t say it.”
“What good would lying to you do?” Sampson asked. “You are fucked up. You need fucking therapy. Hell, we should probably all be in therapy until we die.”
“Did you think freedom was going to be like this? I thought all of our fears and worries would be gone. I thought it would feel so good to not be afraid all the time. But now I’m just afraid for different reasons.”
“Yeah. And those old demons never seem to die. You just have to learn to live with them.”
Exactly.
But he might need some help to do that. So he was going to look into a therapist.
24
Looked into his eyes and it was all darkness.
Maybe you’re not ready for this yet. But you will be.
Immy, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.
Urgh!
It was impossible for her to sleep.
She hated this. Rolling over, she checked the time. She felt hot and flushed and out of sorts.
Sitting up, she gazed around at her bed. Her sheets and blankets were a complete mess. She was hot and bothered and her brain just kept replaying things that both Tobias and Jenner had said to her.
Things that she’d rather forget.
What the heck was wrong with her?
She checked the time again. Just after five in the morning. The sun wouldn’t rise for at another hour. But if she couldn’t go swimming, she could do the next best thing. Slipping out of bed, she headed into the shower.
The cool water felt like heaven against her flushed skin. But once she got out, her teeth started chattering.
All right.
This wasn’t good.
Immy slipped a large T-shirt on over her head. Yeah, it was one of Jenner’s that she’d stolen years ago but she didn’t care.
She was so tired and her head ached. All she had to do was wipe her brain clean.
That couldn’t be that hard, right?
Stepping out of the bedroom, she figured she’d go see Abe. But after knocking on his door, she realized he was probably in the gym. He’d been acting a bit weird lately, but at least he was no longer spending all his time in his room.
Grasping hold of the stair rail, she moved slowly downstairs. Why did everything keep going all blurry?