Total pages in book: 260
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
“Tomorrow,” Jay finally says and releases me, leaving my hand dangling awkwardly in the air until I submit and lower it to the bed.
Jay lies still, with no indication he’s going to handcuff me to the bed. And I almost swallow my words, the plea for him not to. I don’t want to remind him, but I need reassurance.
My lips part, but the words don’t come out.
“What is it?” he asks me in a no no-nonsense voice.
“I don’t want you to handcuff me,” I tell him quickly. He lies still, with no reaction and my nerves get the better of me. I peek up at him through my lashes. His face is like stone, emotionless even. “Jay, please,” I beg him. My fingers itch to reach up and touch him, but I can’t, so instead my fingernails dig into the comforter.
“You can’t leave me,” Jay says as if it’s the only truth he knows.
This is wrong. He’s not okay, and I’m not safe. But the two of us were never meant to be right.
I can’t help what being with him does to me. I wish I could justify my feelings, but I know it’s fucked up on too many levels.
All the feelings I have for him are hovering just below the fear.
The need to cling to him to stay safe is strong. It’s hard to fight the urge to touch him. What’s worse is that I don’t want to keep myself from touching him.
“Go to sleep, Robin,” Jay tells me, his large hand splaying along my hip as he adjusts me next to him like we used to lay, calming me and kissing the crook of my neck.
His rough stubble brushes along my sensitive skin, and my body bows to him. I can’t deny the effect he has on my body. I can’t help how I want him. I try to override my body’s reaction to him.
“We need to talk,” I try to tell him, but he shushes me. And I obey. Whatever fate Jay gives me, I’ll take it. I know that with every piece of my being in this moment. I only exist because of him, and I’m guilty of a far worse crime than any he could commit against me. I’ll bend to his will; I owe him that. I owe him everything.
“Go back to sleep,” he tells me in an even voice. And for the first time in years, I do just that. I slip easily into the darkness and fall into the depths of a dream I once had long ago.
Chapter 11
John
The camera’s set up and focused on her. She's sitting on the bed with her knees pulled into her chest. There’s a room upstairs full of clothes for her, yet she’s wearing a white t-shirt that’s far too large for her and a pair of men's blue flannel pajama pants. Something Jay must have left for her to wear. She's alone on a tiny ass mattress with nothing else in the room except a metal chair.
I let out a tortured breath and drag the chair across the room. The metal legs scrape on the cement floor, and the screeching only pisses me off. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I think about how I’ve canceled everything to be here. It’s like an obsession, picking at the back of my brain, the anxiety making my body tremble. But more than that, I’m curious.
I don’t know what exactly happened between them, but the way she looks at him and vice versa… I’m more than curious.
“How do you know Jay?” Robin asks me with her gaze still fixed on the sheet she’s balling up in her hand. She dares to lift those hazel eyes to me, and I take a moment to consider what I want to tell her.
“We met when we were kids,” I answer. I finally sit down a few feet away from the bed, but inside of the camera’s field. I swallow thickly. “He helped me,” I admit to her.
She picks at the sheet, but doesn’t look down. Tilting her head, she asks me, “Helped you with what?”
“I was adopted and it was hard for me, but Jay was,” I pause and clear my throat, remembering back to when we were kids. Both of us lost and feeling alone, feeling abandoned. “Jay was a good friend when I needed one.” I nod my head once and then look back at her, but I have to rip my eyes away. It doesn’t justify this.
“I see,” Robin says softly and it reminds me that she’s a shrink. A huff of a humorless laugh spills from my lips. “Are you analyzing me, Doctor Everly?” I ask her with humor in my voice, but she nods her head once.
“I hope you don’t mind,” she says in a soft voice, still picking at the sheet.