Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 92659 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 463(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92659 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 463(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
But I…don’t want him to walk out that door—or out of my life.
Apparently I really am a fool who never learns from her mistakes. It’s the only explanation, because this man may have brought me great joy, but he’s also brought me the greatest sorrow of my life. I should be happy to see the last of him.
Instead, I find myself repeating, “Wait.” I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know what else I want, just that I can’t let him leave. Not yet. “Please.”
Orpheus turns more fully to face me. “Whatever you want, Eurydice.”
Whatever I want.
That’s the ridiculous part of this. I don’t know what I want. Once upon a time, I thought I did. I thought it would be him and me for the rest of our lives. Marriage. Children. Growing old together, surrounded by family. Riding the edges of the waves of power in this city without actively engaging with them.
I realize those were naive dreams. Orpheus had always had his sights set on something more than a mundane life. He wouldn’t have sacrificed me if that weren’t true.
But I can’t quite release those dreams. Even with our history. Even with Charon here, watching us with an unreadable expression on his face.
He’s the one who moves first. Of course he is. If left to our own devices, I have no doubt Orpheus and I would stand here all night, staring at each other and unable to say the words tangling up inside us. I don’t know what I want, and I don’t know what I need, but there’s a part of me that longs to lash out at him, to hurt him the way he hurt me. Just like there’s another part of me that doesn’t want him to ever leave.
Charon steps between us. “It’s late. Take the couch, Orpheus. We’ll talk in the morning.”
Orpheus opens his mouth, seeming about to argue, but finally nods. “Yeah. Sure. Okay.”
I don’t resist as Charon presses a hand to the small of my back and guides me down the hall to his room. I’ve been here dozens of times over the last couple months. He technically has a room in the main house, but he likes a little privacy at times, and he gave me an open invitation to stay here whenever I like. Whether he’s present or not.
He closes the bedroom door behind us. Once again, it strikes me that we haven’t had an opportunity to discuss what we did in the back seat. The intentions we declared with only the darkness as witness. My body flares with heat at the memory of how deliciously he stretched me. I shiver. “Charon—”
“Not yet, baby.” He catches my wrist and turns me to face him. He’s usually serious, but his expression is almost empty, it’s so stoic right now. “Before we talk about us, we need to talk about him.”
“What do you mean?” My voice squeaks a little.
He studies me. “You wanted closure, but things aren’t closed. Seeing him opened up some shit.”
He’s not wrong, but I kind of hate that he’s speaking the things I can barely admit to myself. I tug on my wrist, and he releases me. “I thought it would be gone.” I wrap my arms around myself. “There was always this connection between us, and I thought what he did would sever it, but it’s still there.” Stronger, even.
“I see.”
I hate how empty he sounds. I tighten my grip on myself. “We have a connection too, you know. It’s just different. I meant everything I said both last night and tonight. I love you. I want to be with you if you can accept a damaged heart. I just…I didn’t think I would feel like this if I saw him again.”
“I know.” Charon sighs, and all the tension leaks out of him. “This complicates things.”
“What do you mean?”
For a long moment, I think he won’t answer, but he leans back against the door with another sigh. “I meant what I said before too. The joy of being with you outweighs the potential pain of not having all of you. But now that he’s here? We can’t move on without dealing with him.” He shakes his head slowly. “Maybe we can’t move on without him.”
The awful feeling inside me grows thorns that tear into me. Between one blink and the next, I’m back on that dark street, my breath sawing through my lungs, my feet screaming in pain, the fear so overwhelming that I was certain my heart would burst. “I don’t see a future with him.”
“No lies between us, baby.” Charon pushes off the door and crosses to me. He moves slowly, carefully resting his hands on my hips. “You’re still hurt and furious, but all those feelings haven’t gone away.”
“I wish they would,” I whisper. I’m glad Orpheus felt the need to apologize, but that doesn’t change the pain he caused. It doesn’t take it away. “It would be so much easier.”