Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 121734 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 609(@200wpm)___ 487(@250wpm)___ 406(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121734 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 609(@200wpm)___ 487(@250wpm)___ 406(@300wpm)
“I was at the hospital,” I told her.
She looked up at my words. She went so still.
“I was really nervous.”
“You were?” She tilted her head.
I nodded. “Yeah. Because your uncle and your mom didn’t know who I was at the time, who my brother was.”
“Oh.” She tugged the blanket up again. “He dated my mom, right?”
My throat swelled up, painfully, as I nodded. “He was mean.”
She went back to picking at the blanket, not looking at me. “That’s what she said. He was mean to her, and he ghosted her after the car accident.”
A sudden clarity washed through me. I didn’t know why or where it had come from, but I almost laughed. “You know, I used to blame myself for that car accident.”
Her eyes were so big. “Why? Were you there?”
“No.” I did laugh this time, because it was so silly, what I had let Daniel put in my head. “He was mad at me that day.” I rolled my eyes. “I never got to watch television, and back then, we didn’t have all the different things you could watch TV on now, or at least I didn’t. My brothers always monopolized the television, watching tape or games. But for once, I’d gotten it. Our other brother was gone, and I knew Daniel was leaving for a date, so I was excited to watch a movie. But then he came down and demanded to check the scores for whatever game was on that day. I don’t know why he couldn’t check on the computer or his phone. I think he was just pissed that I looked comfortable in the living room. He liked to make me go to my room as much as possible, but since no one else was around, I refused to change the channel for him. I was adamant that it was my turn, and I was going to watch the movie I wanted to watch. He was so mad at me. He stormed out.” I looked over at her. “That was the night he and your mom got into their car accident.” I shivered, remembering how I’d enjoyed that evening. I’d watched the movie and gone to bed. When I woke up later that night, Daniel was standing in my doorway. He was covered in blood. “He blamed me.”
“What?” She inhaled. “How?”
“Said it was my fault he was in such a pissed-off mood, and if he hadn’t been so angry, he wouldn’t have missed the stop sign.” Jesus. “I believed him for years—until just now, actually, which is sad in a whole other way. But it didn’t occur to me that he had driven that route so many other times. They were going to his favorite restaurant. He knew the stop sign was there. He rolled it because he liked to roll through stop signs. The other driver had been drinking and hit them, but if he hadn’t rolled that stop sign, they wouldn’t have been hit. And he was in an angry mood because he was always in an angry mood. It had nothing to do with me. But he blamed me because that’s what he did. He always blamed someone.”
“Wait. So…” Zoey frowned and moved to sit so she was facing me. She drew her knees up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “That’s the car accident where my mom got her brain injury?”
“Yeah.” That accident was not my fault. The weight of it lifted from my chest. It wasn’t my fault. Skylar’s brain injury was not my fault.
She shook her head. “That’s messed up. That’s, like—your brother was an asshole.”
I laughed. “Yeah. He really was. He really is.”
“I’m sorry you thought that this whole time. My mom didn’t blame you, did she?”
“Oh no. I’ve never said anything—”
“Because she wouldn’t.” Zoey’s gaze was so fierce. She leaned toward me. “I know my mom, and she would never say it was your fault. Ever.”
I grew warm inside and my voice softened. “Yeah. I know that now, but for the longest time, I didn’t. I never told anyone that Daniel blamed me. I never even thought to share that with someone.”
I saw it on her face, when a light suddenly came on. She chewed her lip as she rocked back against the couch cushion. “Oh. I see where you’re going with that.”
“I didn’t do that on purpose. That’s just from many years of bringing a conversation back on topic.” My grin turned sardonic before it went sad. “Like I said before, I’m not a counselor, but the stuff I went through as a kid feels very fresh to me right now, so I can tell you that I didn’t talk to anyone back then, and I wish that I had. I really, really wish I’d said something to someone, and if they didn’t want to listen, I wish I’d kept trying until I found someone that would. If your arm is broken, and you don’t tell anyone it hurts, no one can help heal your arm. It’ll heal, but probably in the wrong way. You know? I’m just now starting to heal from some of the stuff that happened to me, and I don’t want you to go through the years of silent suffering that I went through. Your mom loves you so much. Your uncle too. I just met Eric and Paul, but I’ve got a feeling Eric would literally kill someone for you.”