Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 101466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 507(@200wpm)___ 406(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 507(@200wpm)___ 406(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
I sat down under the shade of an old tree, my legs too tired to keep me standing anymore. Idly, I wondered how quickly she’d leave. Would she pack up and be gone when I finished my next shift? I’d only be gone two nights, but she didn’t know that yet. She’d dropped her bombshell before I had a chance to tell her. I’d wanted to tease her and tell her how I’d be around more. We’d have more time together.
Now, we had none.
I sat there until evening, feeding Miller his food and water I’d brought him.
I’d brought myself nothing except a bottle of the water I kept on hand in the fridge for Casey. She wouldn’t be drinking it now, so I figured I’d use it.
We drove home, pulling in as dusk settled. We went inside, and Miller headed straight to the pet door, disappearing before I could stop him. I decided to let it go. He’d have to adjust when she was gone.
I just didn’t know when that would be.
Sleep didn’t come any easier that night. I tossed and turned, my heart aching, my mind racing. I knew this was it for me. I wasn’t going to try a relationship again. Miriam had wounded me.
Losing Casey was going to shatter me. Completely.
By noon the next day, I couldn’t be in the house anymore, knowing she was on the other side of the wall, making plans to leave. I headed to the fire station, Miller with me, the chief looking at me in confusion. “You don’t start until tomorrow.”
“I’m volunteering,” I responded, walking past him. He didn’t stop me. I stayed busy all day, bunking in the quiet room, knowing sleep would be elusive. I managed some brief moments of rest but jerked awake more than once, her name on my lips.
The next two days were the busiest the station had been in a long time, and I was grateful. I concentrated on my job, the tasks at hand, and my crew. When my shift was over, I hated the idea of heading home, but knew I had to. I also had to talk to Casey and find out her plans. I knew it was going to kill me to be polite and distant, but I could do it for a brief time. I had to.
The bottom line was I loved her and she said she didn’t return those feelings. I had been the one to set the rules. When I had, I hadn’t expected to be the one to break them. It was usually Casey jumping over the lines I laid out in the sand. I wasn’t mad at her—I was too sad to be angry.
I shut my locker as Mark walked in, frowning when he looked at me.
“Coffee?” he asked.
“Sure.” I wasn’t in a hurry to get home.
We sat in the deserted kitchen, the brew hot and strong as it always was.
“What’s going on?” he asked. “You look like shit.”
I set down my cup and I told him. I let it all out. How it started, what had happened. How I felt.
“So, she’s leaving?” he asked when I was done.
I nodded, filling my cup again.
“Stop her.”
“How? Hold her captive?”
“Talk to her.”
“I tried.”
“Try again. Jesus, Jesse. She loves you too. Any idiot can see that. She’s scared. Find out what is scaring her and calm her fears.”
“She won’t tell me.”
“Then make her. You’ve changed since she came into your life. You’re different. Still a fucking grump, but you’re lighter. Happy. Don’t lose that.”
I scrubbed my face. “I think I already have.” I shook my head. “I regret it.”
“Telling her?”
“Well, that—but allowing myself to fall in love.”
He shook his head. “Never regret loving. It’s part of life. It’s part of what makes you, well, you. If I lost Linda, I’d never regret a moment I had with her. She makes my world better.” He shook my shoulder. “Just like Casey makes yours better.”
I sighed. “I thought I made hers better too. But I was wrong.”
“No, you weren’t. I know what I saw. Linda saw it too. Fuck, everyone who watched you did. Tell her again, Jesse. Fight for her.”
He stood.
“The regret is what will kill you, not loving her. It’ll eat at you. My advice? Don’t let that happen. Whatever you have to do, do it.”
CASEY
I stared at the contract on the desk in front of me. It contained everything I had asked for. Salary, bonuses, control. Even time off during the project. Help in finding a place to live. Rent subsidy. Everything. I had a month to get there and get settled. Finish what I had on the go now and not accept any other projects until this one was done. The website I could work on until it was complete. But I had made great strides on it the past couple of days.