Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 84289 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84289 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“I know people are saying this isn’t my fault,” he tells me, reaching a hand up to brush a lock of my hair from my face. “But I know it’s my fault.”
Shit.
He feels guilty.
“Don’t sweat it. These guys like a little action in their lives, I promise you.”
His dark hair blows in the wind.
His eyes are tired, and so soulful it takes me by surprise, all over again.
It still strikes me how handsome he is, even after seeing endless photos of him and spending time with him in person, too.
He has a mix of stark handsome features and soft beauty like no one else I’ve ever seen. The size of his pupils is starting to lessen, but I’ve never seen him look so grounded.
No posturing, no ego.
Niko Berlant with no mask. Something I’ve never seen before.
“I fucked up the winter formal for you, Ollie.”
“We danced for hours,” I tell him. “So many people saw us together. We took photos. We did everything I wanted.”
“You wanted it to be a perfect night. You deserved that.”
I wave a hand through the air. “Perfect is fucking overrated, isn’t it? Maybe I can handle it if things are a little fucked up.”
He exhales and draws me in close, pressing his lips to mine.
It never feels normal when I kiss Niko, because my body responds to him with such primal, almost shameful amounts of need.
But this kiss is even different than all of the ones before.
The first thing that catches me off guard is that it’s sweeter than anything I’ve felt from him. His mouth always feels a little needy, and this one is no exception, but he clutches me close and kisses me like he’s bringing himself back down to Earth from my touch.
I keep expecting him to pull away.
To realize that the other guys went inside a long time ago, realize that there’s no reason for us to keep kissing like this, his lips pulling on mine out in the cold like we’re a couple reuniting after a war.
When he does pull back from a breath, he still doesn’t move away.
He leans his forehead on mine and I can feel his breath against my skin.
“I want more for you, Ollie,” he murmurs. “You’re going home for Christmas break soon, right?”
A glint of light from the front of the house catches on the silver of his dragonfly necklace. I reach up and run my fingertips along it, remembering when I only used to see it in videos.
“I’m going back to my family home. Yeah.”
“Then we have to make tonight count. I want you to have more than this.”
“I don’t know what you mean by more, but I promise I don’t need you to do anything else.”
He exhales, gently gripping the front of my shirt for a moment. “Yes you do.”
“No. You’re doing enough, Niko.”
“I’m not going to let your night end like this. Come with me.”
His hand slides lower and intertwines with mine.
He tugs me forward like he wants me to follow him, and I don’t hesitate at all. I don’t question it, I don’t wonder what the hell he’s doing or where he’s taking me.
He’s like the ocean’s current and I’m just a sailor, waiting for the ride and unafraid of the plunge. I’m letting myself be pulled into him, and steering away from it would be unimaginable.
Let me know you.
Really know you.
Please.
“What happened to you?” I ask as we walk through campus.
He squeezes my hand. “That’s a story for another night.”
“Don’t keep things from me.”
“I won’t, Ollie. But please, not tonight.”
He takes me back through the heart of campus, and eventually we end up at Student Hall all over again.
There’s no one even checking for IDs at the front anymore, because the formal ended sometime in the last hour. Volunteers are helping on clean-up duty near the front of the ballroom, breaking down tables and starting to remove decorations from the front entryway.
A few people glance at us as we walk in.
Niko ignores them.
“I don’t think we’re supposed to be here,” I tell him.
“And? If we act like we can be here, then people will let us be here.”
I don’t know if he’s right about that, but I follow. I keep fucking following him like I’ve caught sight of a fascinating creature and I can’t look away.
A dragonfly.
With shimmering, iridescent wings.
And I can’t stop chasing him as he flies.
The scent of fresh pine fills the air as he takes me past one row of tall Christmas trees, heading toward the stage. The band is packing up, putting away electric guitars and disassembling the massive drum kit.
“Hey,” Niko says, nodding at one of the lead players. “Got anything acoustic?”
The guy looks up from the stage, glancing at us. “Show’s over. Was a good gig, though.”
“Right. But do you have any acoustic instruments?”
The musician glances around the stage, his eyes scanning the shiny black instrument cases. “Uh, Amelia’s got her violin that she plays on that one slow song.”