Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 114951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 575(@200wpm)___ 460(@250wpm)___ 383(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 575(@200wpm)___ 460(@250wpm)___ 383(@300wpm)
Of course, Jay didn’t pay much attention to Shane when he was there. Other than a firm handshake that I was fairly certain was to ascertain his dominance more than to offer a warm greeting, he stayed quiet. He watched TV and left us alone.
But he also didn’t scream or hit my mother, so that was a win in my book.
When fall rolled back around, Shane and I slipped easily into the rhythm of classes and hockey. Shane was flying, his eyes full of the NHL future that was just within reach now, every game another step toward the dream. And I was right there, chasing my degree, dreaming of the kids I wanted to help, the life I wanted to build. It felt like it was us against the world — and for once, I had hope.
But not everything was light.
There were nights the phone rang and my mother’s voice came through the line, ragged with fear, begging me to come home, whispering that she thought this time Jay might kill her. Those calls cracked the perfect world Shane and I had built, shadows stretching into the corners of our little apartment. He would hold me afterward, whispering that I wasn’t alone anymore, that he had me. But still, the darkness lingered.
Shane dreamed of his bright future, the NHL lights dazzling just ahead of him, but I couldn’t stop the pit from opening in my stomach. Because somewhere in the distance, beyond all the magic, I saw a dead end waiting at the end of the road we were on.
And I had no idea how to stop us from speeding toward it.
Drop It
Ariana
Present
“So, as you can see, there are a lot of places the new budget can go,” Maven Tanev said, her fingers steepled beneath her chin before she pressed a nude-polished nail to one of the papers spread out before her. “But I think this is where it would be best spent. The more beds we can buy, the more kids we can support.”
“Second on that list would be the therapist support, wouldn’t you agree?” Grace Tanev chimed in.
“Definitely,” Maven agreed. “But we’ve talked for long enough. What do you think, Ariana?”
Maven and Grace were sisters-in-law, I’d come to discover. Maven was married to Vince Tanev, one of our star wingers, and Grace was engaged to his best friend and teammate. Apparently, it had been quite the scandal when the news broke, but everything seemed settled now.
I’d instantly liked them both.
Grace had bounded into the room for our first Sweet Dreams meeting like she’d just hopped off a plane and had espresso the entire flight — which, from our conversations since, might actually have been the case. She was a little jetsetter; though, it seemed she was excited to settle down in Tampa for the time being. As a petite woman myself, I appreciated that so much energy came in that small package of bronze skin and platinum-blonde hair.
Maven, on the other hand, had strolled into the room tall, poised, and warm, her bright smile making it impossible not to lean into everything she said. She was taller than both Grace and me by at least a foot, with brown skin and a halo of black curls. I could tell straight away that this initiative was her baby. She expressed the utmost care for it from the moment she began speaking, and I sensed the tinge of regret she held for stepping back.
“My daughter has proven to be my new obsession,” she’d said in way of explanation when she opened the meeting. “I still love this community and want to give back whenever I have the chance, but I also want to focus on this baby whom I know won’t be a baby for long.”
I wasn’t a mother, but I knew the truth of that statement. I’d watched Georgie grow far too fast for my liking, going from a newborn sleeping soundly in a crib in my bedroom to a med-school student. Sometimes it was hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he was older now than I was when I became his legal guardian.
Maven’s words had settled in my chest, stirring up my own thoughts of children. I’d loved Georgie fiercely and protectively, and I’d learned young what it meant to put someone else first, to structure your entire life around the needs of a child.
If I was being honest with myself… it had stripped any lingering romanticism from the idea of motherhood and left only the truth of it.
Add in the fact that I hadn’t exactly had a beautiful childhood, and you could say my feelings on it were set in stone.
Nathan, on the other hand, loved the idea of a family — the way it would look for him, the way it would fit neatly into the version of himself he liked to present. But when he shared his hypotheticals, the weight of parenting had always landed somewhere outside him. He would talk about how great it would be to play with the kids and take them to work events to show them off, but it was always me in his vision doing the work.