Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 101261 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101261 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
Though it was rapidly becoming first thing in the morning, I couldn’t sleep. I left El-Mudad with Neil and went to my office in the loft over the den. I woke my computer and opened a new email.
How could you do this? I typed every letter delivered like a punch to the keyboard. How dare you do this to him. How dare you do this to all of us. Because you love Olivia? Because Laurence says so? You’re a spineless cunt. I keep defending you. I think the best of you after everything you’ve done to me. After you tried to take Neil, now you’re going to destroy my family? I hope you fucking choke to death.
I deleted everything and closed the window without saving it. I’d never meant to send a word of it to Valerie. I hadn’t even put her email address in the recipient slot. I’d just wanted to say it, even if I didn’t dare to say it to her.
She had changed so much. I didn’t even know her well enough to hurt her. The Valerie I’d always known was sneaky and underhanded sometimes, sure. But Neil had never been her target. Everything she’d ever done had been to get closer to him, to have little pieces of control in his life, and maintain some kind of presence as the woman who truly owned him. Now, she’d seemingly moved on, allowed herself to turn on him. Why? Because Laurence—
Because Laurence.
My anger swelled so big it hurt me.
Every sign had been there and for years. It had all seemed normal. Excusable in context. Laurence’s inappropriate possessiveness over her when she’d fallen sobbing into Neil’s arms in Emma’s hospital room. The dramatic loss of weight that had caused hollows around Valerie’s eyes. Laurence’s nastiness toward us and her desperate need to keep the peace that had finally worn away.
The super-short haircut.
So he couldn’t grab it.
She wasn’t going along with Laurence because she agreed with him.
She feared him.
The Office of Child and Family Services closed the case against us in one business week. Neil’s conscience did not. He apologized daily and walked through life as a man humbled by his demons. It hurt my heart every day.
“It’s getting worse the closer we get to visitation,” El-Mudad observed quietly one night as we got into bed. Neil had gone to take a shower and likely couldn’t hear us, but we kept our voices low, anyway. “Is he allowing that to continue after what they did?”
“I don’t know.” I hadn’t brought up my suspicions to Neil, but I needed to. “We could put them off a little while. Say that we have to cancel because my sister will be visiting, and we’d like Olivia to get to know her.”
By sheer, horrible luck, Molly was due to come to stay with us for a few weeks starting Saturday morning. I hadn’t mentioned anything about the CPS visit to her or her mother. We knew we hadn’t done anything wrong, so there was nothing to disclose as far as I was concerned.
I hoped.
“Should you bring it up to Neil?” El-Mudad asked. “Or should I?”
I shrugged, scooching down on the center pillow. It was my night to be in the middle. “Maybe you should. I’ve got too much history with Valerie.”
“I understand.” He got in on my right and put his arm out so I could roll over and snuggle against his chest. “What are the sleeping arrangements when Molly is here?”
I sighed and tickled my fingers through his chest hair. “I’ve thought about that. I don’t want Molly to feel like she has to hide it from her mother, obviously, but I’m not sure Sasha would be cool with the poly arrangement. I don’t want Molly to be forbidden ever to come back, but I also don’t want your girls to have to hide anything from Molly, either.”
“I’m fairly certain Molly will be smart enough to figure things out, even if I were to sleep in my room.” He stroked my shoulder idly. “Children today are far worldlier than in our day.”
“Our day?” I teased him.
“Yes, yes. You’re not as old as I am. I see now why Neil is so annoyed at you pointing that out.” El-Mudad kissed the top of my head.
The sound of the water ceased in the bathroom. I looked up gravely. “Let’s get this out of the way, so we’re not dreading the morning.”
Well, I would still dread the morning. And the next one. And the one after that, until I could bring myself to tell El-Mudad or Neil about my suspicions regarding Valerie and Laurence. My fear that Laurence might be abusing Valerie, whether emotionally or physically, rode around in my gut like a rock. If she was in an abusive relationship, I should want to help. Every moment I waited felt like I was somehow letting Valerie down.