Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 98524 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 493(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98524 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 493(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
“Are you okay?” Javier asked.
I turned around. His head was slightly cocked, and the skin between his brows was pinched.
“Yeah.” My response was breathy, rushed. “I’m okay. Just hoping Leesa feels better soon.”
Javier seemed to buy my excuse, because he looked from me to Aleesa again as she rested on his chest. “I hope so too.”
It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep. Javier leaned back with a relieved exhale, stretching his long legs and resting the back of his head on the top of the sofa.
“You think I am a failure,” he muttered.
“What?” My eyes widened. “No. Why would you say that?”
“I cannot even calm my own daughter enough to give her medicine.”
“That’s not true.” I entered the living room again, dropping down on the recliner across the room from him. “You’re both tired. And I’m sure you were about to handle it just fine.”
“Sure . . . but you are much better at this than I am.”
I smiled a little. “I’m just used to working with kids. I actually want to finish school so I can get a degree in children’s psychology.”
“You do?” he asked, truly surprised.
“Yes. I love kids. I love how innocent their minds are yet how big their imaginations can be. Things that are so small to us are significant to them. It’s not hard for them to appreciate the world.”
“That is an interesting take.”
“Besides, it’s different when you’re a parent. It’s kind of your job to freak out and stress over them.”
He laughed at that. Actually laughed. With teeth showing.
Then he dropped his head to study his daughter. “I worry for her so much.”
“About what?”
He was quiet a beat, head shaking as he stroked her cheek with his thumb. She let out another long breath after a deep inhale. “Because her life will always seem a bit broken without her mother in it. I wish sometimes that it was me who was taken, not Eloise.”
Oh.
“It is hard to raise a child through grief,” he continued. “People expect me to be this happy man, one who should be grateful that I am still alive and that my daughter is too. And trust me, I am glad that I have Aleesa. I am glad that she is here and that she is healthy, but there is not a single day where I do not feel like I do not belong here. Not one day where I do not know Aleesa would be better off if she had her mother instead of me.”
“Javier, I—”
“I am sorry.” When he looked up, his eyes were glistening. “I have shared too much. As I told you, I am just really exhausted.” He tried laughing it off.
“No—don’t apologize. Trust me, I get it.” I threw up a hand, hoping he wouldn’t rile himself up too much. “I’ve lost a father and a brother-in-law. And I know those two are not the same as losing a spouse, but I understand grief. My dad was the best man I ever knew.” I had to pause and look away to bite back tears. “I . . . um . . . I can still remember the things he did for me and Davina. He was seriously the best.” I tugged at one of my locs, eyes still wandering. “And Davina’s first husband, Lew, he was a really great guy. He loved her and truly felt like a brother to me.” My eyes flicked to Javier’s again. “So believe me, I get it. I’m not judging you for what you think or how you feel. Yes, girls need their moms, but they also need their dads. You’re doing fine.”
He kept his eyes on me the entire time. His gaze fell to my nose, then my mouth. I stared at his lips for a bit . . . until I realized we were looking at each other a few seconds longer than necessary. He seemed to realize, too, and tore his eyes away.
“I, um . . . I can go lie her down if you want me to,” I offered, gesturing to Leesa.
“That is okay.” He rose with her. “I can at least handle that.”
A soft laugh escaped me. “Okay.”
I watched him round the corner and disappear. When I heard his heavy steps lumbering up the stairs, I slouched back on the recliner and replayed our conversation in my head.
He was finally opening up to me.
This was a good thing . . . but also triggering.
I missed my dad so much. I’d have done anything just to speak to him again, at least one more time. And Lew . . . man, that was a tough loss too.
Lew was so young, and Davina was so in love with him. Every Christmas, he’d give me these silly gifts. Socks with butts on them, shirts with sayings on them like Thou shall not try me or Sarcasm is my second language. And with those silly gifts, he’d add in a romance book or a bookstore gift card.