Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 95816 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 479(@200wpm)___ 383(@250wpm)___ 319(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95816 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 479(@200wpm)___ 383(@250wpm)___ 319(@300wpm)
“Mission accomplished,” I replied. “Jesus, Graham. It’s been hell.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry all of this has been so difficult, Richard. How are you feeling about it now? Knowing you have a daughter—knowing you can never go back to not knowing it?”
I rubbed my eyes. “I have no idea. I want to get to know her if she’ll let me. I would like to think we could forge some sort of relationship. She hates me right now. So does Gracie. It’s unsettling. I hope I can repair my relationship with Gracie, but how do I start with Ashley? How do I convince her to trust me when her mother let her think I abandoned them?”
“Time,” he replied. “You have to give her time. Gracie too, although I agree, she will come around. She’s built like you, Richard. She holds nothing back. And as you said, she’s pregnant, so that makes her emotions crazier.”
“What if she never forgives me? Ashley, I mean?” I leaned my head back on my chair, my voice sounding weary even to my own ears. “How do I compete with the words of a dead woman?”
“You can’t force Ashley to believe you. You can’t force her to do anything. That will only make things worse. Be there for her. Be the Richard I know. The man I watched love change all those years ago. The man you became today. If she allows herself the opportunity, she will see it too.”
“You have more faith than I do.”
“I know who you are, Richard. I also know who you were. And I think that man would have reached out to help, even if it was just financially. You have never shirked your responsibilities. You simply weren’t emotionally available to anyone until Katy.”
“I would like to think so.”
“Why did you call me?” he asked.
“I needed to tell you. I couldn’t hide this from you, and I wanted you to hear it from me. Not one of the kids.” I swallowed. “I hated telling you as much as them, to be honest.”
“Why?”
“Because your opinion of me means a great deal. I–I was worried about your reaction. How you would feel about me when you found out,” I confessed.
“You just found out you fathered a child years ago and that that child grew up without a dad and that her mother struggled alone. All you have expressed is concern for her, your children, and your wife. The wish to get to know her. To help her and perhaps be part of her life. The need to protect your other children. The fear of hurting your wife. I have heard no anger, no blame, and nothing but wanting to figure this out. How I feel, Richard, is proud. You are every inch the man I thought you to be, and nothing about this has changed that opinion. If anything, it has made it stronger.”
My throat constricted and I couldn’t speak. Finally, I found my voice. “Thank you.”
“Go find your wife and hold her. Sleep. Reconnect with Gracie when she calms down. Give Ashley some time. As cliched as it sounds, it is a great healer. And Richard, stop beating yourself up. You didn’t know. You can’t change your past, but how you move into the future is what is important.” He paused. “And as hard as it is for you, find your patience. You have to let things happen. Gracie will be okay. As for Ashley, you have to let her decide what she wants going forward. I’m sure once the shock wears off, she will at least want to talk.”
“Good advice.”
“I’m always here.”
“I know. Thank you.”
“Goodnight, my boy.”
“Goodnight, Graham.”
I hung up, staring at the phone, his words somehow calming me. He was right. I couldn’t change the past, and I wasn’t the man back then that I was now. I had to stop dwelling on what I couldn’t change.
My door opened and Katy walked in, her hair tousled, her robe loose.
“Richard, are you okay?”
I held out my arms and was grateful when she came to me. I pulled her to my lap. “I’m fine. I, ah, called Graham and filled him in.”
“I wondered when you would do that. Do you feel better now that you’ve talked to him?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Come back to bed, and you can tell me what he said.” She pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Maybe you can get some sleep.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Yes, you do, Richard. You are my world, and I love you. We are going to get through this.” She stood and offered me her hand.
I let her lead me back to bed, hanging on to those words and to her.
I picked up Heather and Reed at the airport a couple of days later. They were both tanned and cheerful-looking, surprised to see me, but I got hugs and they talked nonstop in the car about the trip. The rain forest, the pictures, the birds, and the wildlife they had seen. I listened and asked questions, pleased to know they enjoyed their trip and were happy.