Total pages in book: 401
Estimated words: 390373 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1952(@200wpm)___ 1561(@250wpm)___ 1301(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 390373 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1952(@200wpm)___ 1561(@250wpm)___ 1301(@300wpm)
Without saying a word, he returned to the chair and sat, pulling me onto his lap. Folding an arm around me, he tucked my head under his chin.
“Why?” I whispered. I hated how small my voice sounded. Loathed it. “Why did he try to take control of me?”
“I don’t know. All he said was that he wanted what was his and seems to believe you are a part of achieving that.” His chest rose with a deep breath.
“You know,” he said softly after several moments, drawing his hand up my back and under the braid, “it’s okay to not be fine.”
I squeezed my eyes shut against the sting that had now become a burn.
“I don’t think many people would be okay in your situation,” he continued, kissing the crown of my head. “I wouldn’t be.”
My lips quivered as I pressed them together.
“I wasn’t after I escaped captivity.” His fingers brushed the base of my neck. “I know what it’s like to have no autonomy.”
“This whole thing with Kolis is nothing compared to what you went through,” I told him. “I’m just being…I don’t know. Overly emotional.”
“You’re not being overly emotional, Poppy, and we’re not going to play the whose-trauma-is-more-significant game.” He gently squeezed the back of my neck. “But you’ve spent your entire life fighting against those who sought to control you in one way or another. What Kolis did?” His fingers slipped back down my spine. “Yeah, it was extreme, but it’s not the first time you’ve had to fight against someone exerting their influence over you.”
Gods, he was right.
The Priestesses. The Teermans. Duke Teerman. Alastir. Commander Jansen. My mother. Even Casteel, in the beginning.
“You can talk to me.” Cas curled his fingers around my braid. “If you need to, whenever you want.”
I pressed a kiss to his chest. “I know.”
“Do you?”
My heart stuttered at the strain in his voice—at what I thought I heard in those two words. I lifted my head to look at him. My senses stretched out, but it felt like I was brushing against the stone wall of the Rise. He was shielding his emotions, but I heard it in his voice.
Doubt, sharp and cutting.
My stomach twisted with unease. “I do know that.” I touched his cheek. “Do you think I don’t?”
His jaw muscles flexed against my palm, and my stomach twisted even further as the seconds ticked by.
“Cas,” I whispered, running my fingers over his stubble. “Do you—?” A sudden and intense, red-hot echo of pain flared deep within my chest—pain that wasn’t mine.
Casteel immediately moved, grasping my shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” The ache thumped right beside my heart, stirring the essence. “I can feel—” I tore myself away from Casteel, stumbling to my feet as pain jabbed at my skin like a thousand burning needles.
Casteel was suddenly on his feet beside me. I breathed in deeply, trying to speak, but the pain slammed into me like a scorching wind. He shouted something, but I couldn’t focus on what he said as I looked down at my arms, half-expecting to find flames crawling up them. To see blood pouring from open wounds, but they were fine.
I was fine.
But someone wasn’t.
Multiple someones.
And I didn’t only feel the pain.
Eather flooded my veins as scalding agony soaked the air, making it difficult to draw in even the thinnest of breaths. My legs shook as the taste of bitter panic and tart confusion joined the fear and icy terror. It settled over me, the weight oppressive. The sheer magnitude of it—the onslaught of their pain and confusion, their terror and uncertainty, was unbearable. I could feel myself caving under it and knew I would if I didn’t do something to stop it. And I had to. I needed to—
Steady hands clasped the sides of my face, grounding me. “Talk to me, Poppy.” Cool amber eyes lit by a bright silver aura met mine. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“Pain. So much pain and panic,” I croaked, grasping his wrists with trembling hands. “I’ve never felt anything like it. It’s so vast. So intense—oh, gods, it has to be coming from hundreds—no, thousands of people. Maybe more.”
His eyes widened. “You need to shut it out.”
“I can’t—”
“Yes, you can. You just need to picture a wall—the thickest Rise you can imagine,” he instructed. “Build it as tall as the skies—”
“You don’t understand. I can’t.” The eather pushed against my skin, and I suddenly knew what I’d felt earlier. The unease. That was the first warning. But of what? I didn’t know as the need to go to those who were hurt bore down on me. “I have to find them.”
“Find who, Poppy? And where? Because the source of what you’re feeling can’t be from here.” His thumbs chased away tears I hadn’t realized had fallen. “If it were, we would hear something. We would be notified.”