Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 128417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 642(@200wpm)___ 514(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 642(@200wpm)___ 514(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
“I got the heart first,” Will says, oblivious to the nonverbal exchange happening between Josh and me. Will points to a prominent heart on his dragon’s chest. “My ex-girlfriend and I got matching hearts.”
Josh’s face lights up at Will’s use of the word “ex-girlfriend.”
Oh no. No. This can’t be happening.
“Oh, so you got the heart with your girlfriend, did you?” Josh asks Will. “Who’s now your ex-girlfriend?”
“Yeah, I was sure we’d be together forever. But then she slept with my best friend, so I had to get the dragon to camouflage it.”
The smile on Josh’s face is positively merciless. “Hey, Kat. Did you catch that? Will’s got both a dragon tattoo and an ex-girlfriend tattoo.” Josh can barely contain his giddiness. “Imagine that.”
My cheeks are on fire. Why, oh why, did I say all that stuff to Josh about prohibited tattoos? I was just being snarky. I had no idea what I was saying.
“What’s so funny?” Will asks, looking confused. “Why do I feel like I’m missing the joke?”
Oh, God, please, no. This can’t be happening. I cover my face with my hands.
“Are you feeling like crawling into a hole about now, PG?” Josh asks.
I nod from behind my hands and Josh hoots with laughter.
“Well, Will,” Josh begins like he’s teaching a lesson to a grade-schooler. “Kat here’s got a very specific list of tattoos that she’s decided in her infinite wisdom are cliché and stupid and therefore tantamount to committing ‘social suicide,’ as she so colorfully puts it.”
“And dragons and hearts are both on Kat’s list?” Will asks.
“No, not hearts, surprisingly. Just dragon and girlfriend tattoos.” Josh chuckles happily. “Social suicide, both of them, Will, I’m sorry to inform you—but they’re simply not allowed. I guess you’ll have to get that shit lasered, huh?”
“Oh, shit,” Will says. “Yeah, this is a catastrophe. I’ve got two prohibited tattoos? Damn that Stubborn Kat. She won’t do anything you want her to do and she thinks your tattoos are stupid.”
I’m dying. I’m physically dying. “No, Will, I...” I begin, but I can’t speak. I’ve never been so frickin’ mortified in my life.
“And guess what else is on Stubborn Kat’s list?” Josh continues, beaming.
Will shrugs. “I dunno. Flowers? I’ve got flowers for my momma, too.”
Josh shakes his head. “Nope. Flowers are allowed. Guess again. I’ll give you a hint: it’s on my ass.”
The entire table erupts with laughter.
“Well, I can’t blame Stubborn Kat for that one,” Will says.
“Neither can I,” Reed says. “She probably took one look at your ass and added it to the list.”
“Oh no,” Josh says, laughing. “That’s the best part. Stubborn Kat came up with this list before she’d seen a single one of my tattoos.”
The table erupts again. Everyone but me is laughing so hard, they can’t breathe.
“Before?” Will says. “Oh shit. And you hadn’t even told her about any of ’em?”
Josh is laughing too hard to speak, so he simply shakes his head.
I look at Henn, desperate for an ally, and he flashes me a sympathetic frownie-face. “Hang in there, Kitty Kat,” he says above the fray.
Josh places his forehead down on the table, apparently spent from laughing so hard.
“Hey, at least you’ve only got one tattoo on the prohibited list,” Will says. “I’m the loser with two.”
I open my mouth to apologize profusely, but nothing comes out. This is the most embarrassing moment of my life.
“Oh shit, hang on,” Josh says, trying to catch his breath from laughing. He raises his head from the table, and with great flourish, rolls up his sleeve to display the dragon tattoo on his beautiful, bulging bicep.
The whole table loses it again.
And I want to die. I truly want to die.
“YOLO and a dragon,” Will says. “Tsk, tsk.”
Josh wipes his eyes.
“And she said all that shit before she knew any of your tattoos? Aw, come on someone must have told her. She was just fucking with you.” Will looks at me. “Please tell me you were just fucking with him, Stubborn Kat.”
I shake my head, an apologetic look on my face. “I was just talking out my butt, being a total smart-ass.”
Will hits his forehead with his palm. “Truth is stranger than fiction, man. This is the best story, ever.”
Josh nods. “I seriously couldn’t believe it. We were texting and I just stared at my screen, like ‘oh my fucking God, I’ve hit the mother lode.’”
“Gosh darn it, Stubborn Kat,” Will says, putting on his cartoon voice. “She sniffs out your stupid tattoos and nails you to the wall with ’em.”
“Kinda the way some cats curl up with dying people at a nursing home,” Reed says, and everyone laughs. “Why didn’t you just tell her, man?” Reed asks Josh.
“No fucking way I was gonna tell her,” Josh says. “I figured I’d let her find out the good old fashioned way—by seeing my ass.” He winks and Reed and Will clink their glasses against Josh’s.