Total pages in book: 214
Estimated words: 195876 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 979(@200wpm)___ 784(@250wpm)___ 653(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 195876 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 979(@200wpm)___ 784(@250wpm)___ 653(@300wpm)
"No. Definitely not. I'm not even sure Bastian is interested in women."
That earns a sharp look from Raith. "You think he's interested in men?"
"I think he's too busy... scheming to worry about things like that. I know the rumors, but—"
"So you two haven't ever..."
I tilt my head at Raith, smiling despite all the tension still twisted up inside me from the last half hour. "Are you asking if I've slept with Bastian? Because if you're going to ask me that, I'm going to ask how many dozens of girls you've been with since we arrived here."
"None," he says simply.
The simple admission takes my breath away. I’d assumed…
"You haven't been with anyone here? You really expect me to believe that?"
"You can believe what you want. Have you slept with him?"
"No. And nobody else," I add after a moment.
"Good," Raith says.
That draws a chuckle from me. "Good? Why is that good, Raith?"
"It's just good." He stands suddenly. "Come on. I'm walking you back to your room."
"You are?"
"I just had to rush to a random classroom, burn down a door, and nearly fight a small-scale battle to stop Malakai and Serena from murdering you after learning two fires I thought I could trust had turned on me. So, yes, I'm walking you to your fucking room."
I try to ignore the swirl of pleasant, but confusing emotions his words trigger and the way my heart flutters wildly in my chest. "Okay," I say.
We walk in silence for a few moments before I blurt a question that has been on my mind for weeks. "Were you born in Red Kingdom?"
Raith pauses in the shadows of a corridor. It's several seconds before he answers. "Yes."
My throat goes dry, pulse quickening. The admission would be enough to get him thrown behind bars or worse. I know that much. Despite my pounding heart, I push for more. "Are you here to... hurt Empire somehow?"
"No."
I swallow hard. "Then why?"
His eyes are dark as he stares at nothing, memories seeming to swirl just behind his vision. "The less you know, the safer you are. But I can at least say I'm not… here to hurt Empire. My loyalty isn't to Red Kingdom, either."
"Then why would it be dangerous for me to know more? I don't understand."
There's another long pause, as if it goes against everything in his nature to answer my question.
"Because I'm supposed to be dead. Only a handful of people know I'm not, and if they found out I was alive. Hells, if they knew I was here? They'd burn this whole fucking place down if they could. Anybody and everybody I cared about would be ash, too. So I can't tell you more. I can't... I can't care about you, because then it would be my fault if they found me. It would be my fault that they'd come after you. Hurt you because of me. And I won't have that."
The barely controlled emotion in his voice breaks my heart. I open my mouth to say something, but no words seem to capture what I'm feeling. All this time, I don't know what I thought, but now I can at least see enough to understand.
He didn't try to shut me out after the kiss because he didn't want me.
He has been trying to shut me out because he does want me. And he thinks letting himself want me would get me killed.
"Raith..." I finally say, voice barely a whisper. "I'm already in danger from more things I can count. Malakai and Serena want me dead. Everybody who was just in that room knows about Typhon now, and if they think I'm a threat to them, they'll probably want to kill me when my guard is down. Bastian knows, and he says Empire is coming to watch the Crucible, so if I have to reveal Typhon to save myself, they'll know too. And I'm fucking unbound, whatever that even means. I don't think you could put me in more danger than I'm already in if you tried. So can't we at least just... be whatever it is our hearts want us to be?"
His hand lifts as if he's about to cup my face, but he frowns and pulls it away, shaking his head. "Yes, you're in danger already. But I'm doing everything I can to protect you from it. If Empire's going to be watching during the Crucible, then we'll just have to make sure you don't need to reveal what you are. We'll stop anybody who comes for you. Simple as that."
"I don't know how I'm going to survive, Raith. Even with your help. Even with Bastian's help... It feels like death is coming at me from so many angles I can't keep track of it all. I'm scared. I know I shouldn't admit it, but I am." My voice breaks on the last words. "And if I'm going to die, can't I at least have one thing I want before I do?" My eyes hold his, and I see the conflict there. The hunger. The need.