Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 86242 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 431(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 287(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86242 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 431(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 287(@300wpm)
“No fucking around, Ruthie,” he says, holding me by the front of the vest, two straps anchored in his fists. “You get me?” He doesn’t blink… just bends down and holds my gaze. “If it turns real,” he adds, “I’ll get to you first.”
I scoff. “Romantic.” Even as my heart thumps madly in my chest.
He smirks.
“No.” His voice drops, low and sharp. “Strategy.”
“Sounds good, Captain.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Listen to me, woman. Behave yourself.”
Thump.
“Or what?”
He slides a knuckle under my chin. “Or I’ll have to make sure to teach you a lesson, won’t I?”
Won’t he? I melt like butter on a frying pan but manage to stand upright. Yay me.
We need to get this behind us. To get back on solid footing. To stop running from our enemies and establish… whatever comes next.
I gulp as Rafail starts shouting orders, and we fall into line. My stomach twists, but not from nerves. Not exactly.
There’s a part of me trying not to feel.
Not now. Not here. Not while I’m counting days and pretending I’m not holding my breath.
Chapter 22
VADKA
We train for days, we listen to intel, and we scan our surroundings, but we’re not ready. Nothing feels like it’s enough. It never does, but this time, there’s more weight to the uncertainty.
I can’t keep Ruthie and Luka holed away, dependent on the Kopolovs for life. I tell myself it won’t last forever, that we will find a way through the dangers and threats around us. I tell myself this is what it means to be at war. Uncertainty, waiting. Survival.
I promised her.
But a part of me loves every second of this, savors these precious, stolen moments where we’re safe, and Ruthie can’t run and hide. After a long day of training, I slide into bed beside her or bring her into the shower with me. I can’t help being her caretaker. It’s who I am, what I know, and it fills me with no small amount of comfort to know I can take care of her and Luka, even in small ways.
No one here questions that we share a room, and even though we don’t talk about it, there’s no wonder in anyone’s eyes anymore about who we are and where we stand.
Three days into the training at the Kopolovs, Rafail invites me to the balcony for a drink. He pops the top off a beer and hands it to me. My body’s tired from training hard, my muscles sore, but in a way that feels like a good day’s work.
I sit beside him and take a long gulp.
“Where’s Ruthie?” he asks quietly.
“With Zoya.” Zoya wanted her to read over an essay or something.
Rafail leans back, his eyes assessing, but the glimmer of a smile on his lips. “What are your intentions with Ruthie?” As the pakhan of the Kopolov Bratva and my best friend, I know he has the right to ask.
But it still feels too personal, too sacred.
I look out over the balcony. The sun is setting, hints of gold and red touching the buildings that loom in the distance. The wind kicks up with a bite of cold, and somewhere not far from here, a dog barks. I sip my beer. Swallow. Lean forward with my forearms on my knees and meet his gaze.
“I love her, Rafail.”
He nods. Waiting. I haven’t answered his question.
I look down at the bottle as a bead of condensation rolls down the amber glass.
“And I know she loves me.”
“Has she told you?”
“Yes.”
Another beat passes.
“And her mother? What’s the latest news with her?”
I shrug. “She’s stable, for now, but declining. She’s losing her memory, and that scares her. Makes her combative. But she’s in good hands, it seems.”
Ruthie doesn’t know it, but I paid good fucking money to ensure that happened.
“Yeah.”
“So this isn’t just comfort, then. You’re not slipping into her bed because it’s warm and familiar. You’re thinking about the future.” Is he baiting me? I nod slowly, my shoulder tense.
“I didn’t plan any of this, not with Ruthie. But the more I’m around her, I realize… she fits. We fit.” I glance up at him. “She challenges me. Sees me. Doesn’t flinch.” I look away. “With Mariah, it was different, yeah, but I was different.” I take another sip of beer. “Drives me fucking mad some days knowing I’d burn down the fucking city if it meant keeping her and Luka safe.”
What I don’t say out loud is that it scares me to lose any control, and Ruthie undoes me.
Rafail leans forward, his tone low. “And do you think that’s enough? That you’re ready to protect them, no matter the cost?”
I stare at the beer in my hands. “It’s a start, isn’t it?”
He watches me for a long moment, then looks beyond me, back at the house. “I think she’s scared.”
I look back at him, my gaze sharp. “What are you talking about?”