Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92376 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92376 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
There it is, the glint in his eyes, the horror that assures me he really heard me, knows now how black my darkness is.
He avoids eye contact. “Why would you say something like that to me?”
I wonder myself too, but I already know the real reason. “Because it’s not fair to keep going on like this without you knowing about this evil thing inside me. The reason why I demand your submission. The reason why I won’t stop until I have it. And it’s worse than even all that because I know the only way I’ll be satisfied is once I’ve broken your spirit, worn you down until there’s only a hint of the light I see in you, and you’re totally mine.”
“Stop,” he demands.
But I can’t. “Everything they’ve said about me is true. I am truly a monster.”
If I weren’t, all this would repulse me, but I feel my cock pulsing inside him, filled up with the wickedness of my character, something he clearly notices as he locks eyes with me.
“What you’re describing is about power. Is that all you want?”
“As opposed to?”
“Opposed to? What do you think? We’re getting married. And you expect me to be faithful to you, never be with anyone else. You understand why this isn’t something I can go along with easily. Won’t either of us ever have any hope of finding love?”
“With each other?” I ask.
“That’s not what I meant. Just that, by creating this cage for me…and us…neither of us will be able to have that. Don’t you want that?”
He still won’t make eye contact, which surprises me because he’s the one who brought it up.
Love.
The word is so foreign to me. It’s not something I ever considered.
“I can understand why that would bother most people, but I don’t know that I’m capable of feeling. I don’t know that any of the Lordes are.”
“What do you mean? You don’t experience it? What about what you felt for your father?”
“I respected him. I was proud of him. I feared him.”
“Your brothers?”
“The same. But I don’t think love fits my understanding of anything I’ve felt. Do you?”
“Yes, I understand love. I’ve never felt it romantically, but I believe in it. I think it’s something I can feel.”
“For me?”
Maybe that was too direct a question because he sizes me up, then starts to rise on his knees, forcing me out of him. I grab at him, but he pushes me away, dismounting me.
He’s angry with me. Very angry. It’s in the air, a thick cloud of toxic smoke, as he slips off the bed.
For as much fun as we had, he doesn’t look like it, but like I spent all this time violating him.
“Logan,” I say as he finds his clothes, pulling his boxers back on slowly. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I don’t know how you think that could have gone any other way. You told me you want to keep me in a cage, deprive me of something that makes life worth living.”
“I wanted to be honest.”
“If we’re going to do this, you need to get better at lying.” He bundles up his clothes. “I assume I can spend the night in another room?” he asks without looking at me.
Rage surges through me, makes me want to seize him and tie him to this bed and punish him for this fury he’s stirred. But this is my doing. He was so good to me tonight, and I fucked everything up. He has a right to spend time away from me.
And maybe it will help him process what I’ve revealed. Accept that this is all I have to offer him.
23
LOGAN
After leaving Killian’s bedroom, Jaime escorted me to the guest room. I lock my door, leaning against it as I war against the thoughts that siege my brain.
His kiss, his touch, the sensation of him opening me up and giving me so much pleasure, knowing that I’m—as he said—stained with him, and he’s stained with me. It’s enough to get my cock worked up again, and yet, I feel so violated. Killian is even more of a monster than I’d previously considered.
It was such a beautiful thing when he opened up to me about his past and his family. I thought maybe I’d seen something else in him, something vulnerable, something decent. Then after we fucked, he shared the vilest desire I could have imagined.
Why would he tell me he thinks of me as a rare falcon he wants not only to cage, but clip and train? He wants exactly what a bastard like him would want—absolute dominion over all he desires. And to keep my family safe, what choice do I have but to accept these unreasonable terms?
How could he reveal such terrible things about what he wanted for me? And yet, when he said those words, they did excite me, same as when he demanded my submission. Something must be wrong with me that I’d want Killian to be my captor. That when he was demanding I submit, I wanted to, so badly, and if it weren’t for who I am, I would have given him exactly what he wanted.