Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92376 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92376 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
“You couldn’t have picked a different color for the ties?” Malaki asks. “Burgundy looks like blood, which feels a little too on brand for the Wildes.”
“Kill insisted. He also has a better eye for things like this, so I trusted his taste.”
“Already an obedient wife, are you?” Wrath teases.
It feels less jarring hearing that word than it did when Killian first used it, but I still say, “Shut up.”
“Hey, I’m not complaining as long as we can start having pool parties at Rothguard.”
The thought of Wrath and Masters publicly shaming us with their debauchery tenses me up. “That’s not happening.”
“We’ll see about that,” Wrath says in a way that assures me it’s gonna be a struggle to get him to be on his best behavior.
Masters gives him a playful shove, and they glance at each other, similarly to the way Malaki and Rory did, reminding me that, though I love my brothers and they’ve always been here for me, I don’t have that same connection to any of them. In some ways, I’ve always stood apart, just as I am with this secret I now keep.
“Okay,” Malaki says, returning his attention to me. “Time for you to suit up too.”
“You’re right. I’ve been so busy, I almost forgot.” Maybe because a part of me still can’t believe this is really happening.
“He’s right,” Wrath adds. “We deserve to know how the bride-to-be is gonna look.”
“Fuck off,” I say.
The tailor offers me a box with my tux, and I change into it at the floor-length mirror. When I’ve gotten my pants and shirt on, Wrath helps me with the buttons, Rory holds my jacket, Malaki fidgets with my cuff links, and Masters supervises.
Seeing the ridiculous sight in the mirror, I’m tempted to tell them I’m perfectly capable of getting ready on my own, but I stop myself, appreciating my brothers. Who’ve survived so much pain with me. Who were there through Mom’s fall and Dad’s disease. It’s important for them to be here with me like this on my special day.
What a stupid thing to think. It’s not like a real wedding.
And as I have the thought, a wave of disappointment pulses through me.
Stop it. You’re being stupid. You have obligations, and love has nothing to do with those.
32
KILLIAN
Too many things to do. Too many preparations to make.
My perfectionism isn’t making matters any easier, and it must be driving my brother up the wall.
“I said we needed the cake here by this morning,” I insist as I speak to the caterer over the phone.
“We didn’t have enough time for this order to begin with.”
“And your guys said you could get it done in the time I requested. If you couldn’t, I could have hired anyone else. Don’t you know who—”
Rage approaches and waves for the phone. I reluctantly hand it over, and he says, “Hey, this is Jerry, right? Yeah, it’s Rage, we spoke earlier. Sorry about that. The groom has a lot going on. Honestly, don’t even know if I’m gonna survive him.” He shoots me a playful look, though I’m not in a playful mood. “See, we were really hoping to get this in yesterday just to be on the safe side, but since that didn’t work out, you think maybe you could make three work? I can pick it up myself. Yeah? Oh, that’s perfect. Appreciate you.”
For the first time in the last five minutes, my heart settles.
Rage hangs up and hands me my phone. “Anyone ever tell you about flies and honey?”
“Anyone tell you about carnivorous plants?”
He rolls his eyes, and I must admit, it’s nice that one of us isn’t in a mood.
“It’s funny seeing you so worked up over a non-wedding.”
“What do you mean a non-wedding? I’m fucking married.”
“Yeah,” Rage says, “but it’s not like you’re in love with this guy you’ve known for a few months.”
There’s an intense pain in my chest, my anxiety acting up, and I know why. “We both know I’m incapable of that, but…it’s something he desires.”
His eyes bulge. “Wait. He’s in love with you?”
“What? I didn’t say that. But he told me it was something he wanted in his life, something that made this a difficult arrangement for him to agree to.”
He rests his hands on the desk behind him. “Wanna talk about it, big bro?” When I don’t reply right away, he goes on, “I know you like to keep all this stuff to yourself, but contrary to what you may believe, it helps to bounce things off other people. To let them into that scary head of yours. What is it? You having second thoughts?”
Easy for him to say. He doesn’t understand the burdens Logan and I carry, nor should he.
“No,” I insist, my tone angry, which makes him tilt his head. I sigh. “I can’t love him, but I do like him…more than I do most people. I respect him. I admire him. There’s something really special about him. It’s like a light in his eyes, a glow he gives off. And I do want him, entirely selfishly.”