Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 70630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
“I’ve been with men before,” I began, “but it was always fast, always with the threat of getting caught hanging over us. Then I moved here and… I don’t even know how to explain it. Coming back to civilian life after everything I saw and did over there—it screws with your head. I know it’s okay to like men. I’m not on some recon team anymore; this is a liberal city. But it’s like I shoved that part of myself down so deep that when it came back up…”
My heart raced. I couldn’t breathe. The edges of my vision started to go dark. No, not here. Not in front of Jeremy. Fucking hell.
He was at my side in an instant, guiding me to a chair. I dropped into it and bent over, head between my knees. At least that was better than collapsing.
“Would it help to have some water?” Jeremy asked.
I managed a nod. If I weren’t so mad at myself, I might’ve laughed. Here we were again—me falling apart in his kitchen, him trying to help.
“I’ll go if you want me to,” I rasped, choking the words past the tightness in my throat.
“I don’t want you to go.” He set a glass of water on the table. “I’ll put this here for whenever you’re ready.”
I sat up slowly and took a few sips, letting the cold water distract and ground me.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I said. “I should’ve stopped things. But—God—it felt so good, and I’ve wanted you since I first saw you.”
“I knew better than to start something like I did,” he said. “I assumed you were straight, but then after the play, the way you touched me when you were here, I had this crazy idea that maybe I could push you to admit how you felt. It was stupid and childish and insulting and—”
“Don’t say you deserved what happened. You didn’t.” I looked at him hard. “I froze like an idiot.”
He shook his head. “No, you froze like someone who’s scared.”
I wanted to deny it, but that would’ve been a damn lie. “Fine. I’m scared.”
He nodded slowly. “So what happens now?”
We stared at each other. The air between us tightened. My body reacted first—need flooding me, my cock aching. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, but if I acted on it, then lost control again, we’d both end up wrecked.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“What do you want to happen?” he asked, voice low.
My face went hot. “You probably don’t want me to tell you that.”
“I do,” he said. “I really do. God, I sound pathetic but—”
“No, you don’t.” I leaned forward. “Last night I was afraid—but not of what we did. I was scared of how strong my feelings were. I need this.”
He tilted his head, like he was trying to figure me out. “How can you be so innocent and so tough all at the same time?”
I blinked at him. Was that how I came off? Tough? I didn’t feel tough—not with him. The armor I wore during missions, the calm and cool—that was fake. Most days I felt like I was barely holding it together. “Are you calling me innocent?”
Jeremy moved closer, eyes dark and hungry. "Yes, I am.”
The heat in his voice went straight to my dick. That same look he’d worn yesterday—the one that made me feel like prey and safe all at once—it was back, and I was helpless against it. Did I even want to resist?
“You asked me what I want,” I said, voice rough. “I want you, but you’re a professor. You write poetry and teach Shakespeare. I’m a Marine who cleans houses and hides in the closet. I don’t know if I can be the man you want.”
Jeremy
But he was. Connor was everything I wanted, even if my brain told me this was a mistake. I couldn’t take my eyes off him—he looked so lost, so damn scared. Maybe I was a fool, like David thought, but I wasn’t going to walk away. Not now. “I want you too.”
“Even after last night?” he asked, eyes darting away from mine.
God help me, I still wanted him. Yes, even after last night. The truth was, I’d been madder at myself than at him. “Yes,” I said. “I don’t care if we’re different. I want a relationship where we can be honest about who we are, but…” I paused. This was my line in the sand, the one I’d sworn I’d never cross, and here I was, toeing it. “I’m willing to wait and see.”
The words rushed out, almost tripping over each other. Did he even hear me?
Connor stepped toward me. “I’m gay.” He took a deep breath, chest rising like he was bracing for impact. “I’ve never said it out loud before, but I’m Connor McMurtry and I’m gay.”