Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 70630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
She still didn’t get it. “I want to save him, to get him out, to help him remember the man he used to be.”
Sabrina’s expression softened. “Tell me about this man.”
“He was caring and patient. He had a vision of what the world should be like. He cared.”
Sabrina didn’t look convinced. “Did he care about us gays and lesbos?”
“He’s always been a prejudiced shit, but he didn’t used to be so angry.”
“I know he’s lost himself, and I want to save him too, but I’m not going to live my life for him. I wish you wouldn’t either.”
“Once I tell him I’m gay, he’s never going to listen to me again. He was grossed out that he’d ever worked with those guys. He said they weren’t the men he’d thought they were. I tried to defend them, but—”
“He said I’d filled your head with my bullshit. I know, he told me.”
“Sabrina, I’m sorry I involved you in this.”
She sighed. “It’s not your fault, but for your own sake, you need to call my brother and tell him. You shouldn’t put it off anymore.”
I shook my head, pressed my lips together, and hoped I wasn’t going to cry for the second time in two days. “There’s no point now.”
“What do you mean?” Sabrina asked, a look of horror on her face.
“I fucked up. It’s over between me and Jeremy.” I wasn’t sure how I’d spoken those words without breaking down. I needed Sabrina to leave. I couldn’t hold myself together much longer.
“Why? Not because you wouldn’t come out? You went to the awards banquet.”
“Yeah, I did.” I couldn’t keep the bitterness out of my voice.
“Jeremy fucked up by not telling you about the job offer. I told him he needed to do some serious groveling, but his mistake shouldn’t be a deal breaker.”
“Lying isn’t a deal breaker? Then what is?” I knew it was wrong to pretend Jeremy was solely to blame for things falling apart but I couldn’t bring myself to tell Sabrina what I’d done.
She glared at me. “He did not lie to you.”
I wanted to argue, but I couldn’t, especially when I remembered I’d lied to him about talking to Mario. Fuck. “What difference does it make if we end things now or when he moves?”
Sabrina narrowed her eyes. “Did he tell you he’s taking the job?”
“No.” Dammit, why did she always see through my smoke screens?
“Then maybe you should talk to him about it.”
“I did.”
Sabrina’s raised brows made her disbelief clear. “Did you really talk and try to understand his perspective?”
“What’s to understand? I fell in love with him, and he doesn’t even care enough about me to tell me about a major life decision.” Heat rose in my face when I realized what I’d said. “I… Oh, fuck.” I turned away, my stomach flip-flopping. Why had I let Sabrina know how pathetic I really was?
She squeezed my shoulder. “Have you considered that maybe Jeremy was scared?”
I shook my head, not trusting my voice to work around the lump that had formed in my throat.
Sabrina massaged my shoulders. I hadn’t realized how tight I was. “Maybe he’s not sure how you feel. For some reason, I doubt you’ve told him what you just told me.”
“Of course, I haven’t fucking told him.” Apparently, my voice worked after all.
“No, why would you do something so silly as admit you really care so that he can stop being afraid you’re going to panic and walk away?”
“Walk away? I wasn’t….” I stared at Sabrina. “You really think he thought that?”
“He’s put pressure on you to come out, coaxed you into watching Shakespeare plays, going to faculty awards banquets, and no telling what else. Of course he’s scared you’ll decide he’s not what you want.”
“That’s ridiculous.” How could Jeremy—or anyone—think I wouldn’t want him?
“David said—”
“Fuck David.”
Sabrina laughed. “He’d like that, but he knows there’s no chance.”
I sighed. “Jeremy has a right to want to have a relationship that doesn’t involve sneaking around or never leaving the house. Everyone does.”
“Including you,” she pointed out.
If only it were as simple as that. “I thought so. Now, I’m not so sure.”
“Call my brother. Today. Do not put it off anymore.”
I turned to face her, anger pulsing through me. “How can I help him if he won’t talk to me anymore?”
She wasn’t daunted by me yelling at her. She gave it right back. “How can you help Mario if you can’t heal yourself?”
“I don’t—” I cut myself off. Saying I didn’t need healing was absurd. I knew that and so did Sabrina.
“Connor, you have to stop living for him.”
If only I could make her understand. “I’m alive because of him.”
“And he’s alive because of you, but you don’t see him changing for you. He wouldn’t come home when you begged him.”
“That’s not the same. He’s just…” It wasn’t the same, was it?