Total pages in book: 52
Estimated words: 47822 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 239(@200wpm)___ 191(@250wpm)___ 159(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 47822 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 239(@200wpm)___ 191(@250wpm)___ 159(@300wpm)
The relief washing through me at his words nearly made me ill. Had I been standing I’d have fallen on my ass. For some reason tears threatened, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut to hold them back. One or two might have slipped from my eyes but I’d never admit it. Not over something like this. Two men. In what world could someone like me hold the attention of two highly intelligent, sexy men who could have any woman they wanted? So, while I’d cleared one hurdle -- at least they weren’t going to make fun of me for even thinking I could catch the attention of, not one, but both of them -- there were other, more important reasons.
Finally, I drew my courage together. “The last couple of days have been the best of my life. And I don’t say that lightly. Honestly, I never realized how much I was missing someone permanent in my life until this trip. It’s too easy to imagine myself with you guys, enjoying every fucking thing you show me, every fucking day for the rest of my life, but that’s not going to happen.” The more I spoke, the more words seemed to tumble out. “I’m having the most amazing time. This adventure, this place” -- I gestured around the cabin --”it’s like something out of a dream. But I don’t want either of you to think…” The words stuck in my throat. I swallowed hard and tried again.
“I’m not looking for a relationship. With either of you. I mean, you’re both…” I felt heat rush to my cheeks as I took another breath. I was so nervous I broke out into a sweat which made me fidget even more. “You’re both incredible, and under different circumstances, maybe I’d see if I clicked with one of you, but I can’t. I can see now that’s what Mrs. Wagner wants to accomplish, though she never indicated which of you she wanted me with. But it can’t be me.”
Byte tilted his head slightly. “Why not?” The intensity in his gaze was unnerving. If this was what it was like to have Byte’s complete focus, I wasn’t certain I could keep from baring my soul to him. Which made it easier to give in to the temptation to just… unload. Maybe this was what I needed. To unpack all my shit right here. One thing was for sure: The next time I saw Maggie, I was going to have to make a decision about whether to give her a piece of my mind for putting me in this situation to begin with, or hug her, sob like a little baby, and thank her for the best experience of my life. And I knew, without a doubt, there was more to come in this adventure if I was brave enough to take it.
Such a simple question, yet it cracked something open inside me. I looked up, first at Byte with his quiet intensity, then at Crush, whose stillness somehow felt more charged than movement. “Because I know how this story ends,” I said, my voice steadier now. “I show up, have a wonderful time, and then leave. That’s what I do. That’s what I’ve always done.” Half the story, but I had to start somewhere. Maybe I hoped I could leave it there, that they would accept I’d eventually wander out of their lives. Whatever it was, I really wanted to make this about me, to sound selfish so they’d lose interest.
“Who says that’s how it has to end?” Byte pressed, his voice soft but persistent.
I let out a short, humorless laugh. “History. Experience. Reality.” I ran a hand through my hair, disrupting the strands I’d just tucked away. “Look, I know my place in the world. I’m just one tiny speck in this vast universe, and that’s okay. I honestly like that I live under the radar most of the time. It’s peaceful and I have no one to worry about but myself.” The fire popped loudly, sending a shower of sparks up the chimney. I watched them rise and disappear, feeling oddly kinetic in that moment, ready to rise and vanish just as quickly.
“But here’s the thing,” I continued, my voice dropping lower. “As much as I’m okay with being small in the grand scheme of things, when I find someone I want to share my life with, I want to come first. I want to be the person someone chooses above everything else. I may never find that in my life, but I’m not going to settle for less.” I risked a glance at them again. Byte looked thoughtful, almost calculating, while Crush remained stone-faced, though I noticed the muscle in his jaw flex as he clenched it.
“And it can’t be either of you,” I said, my voice cracking slightly on the words. “Fulfilling my expectations would mean one of you putting me above his brother, which would change your relationship together, and I’m not going to be the person to change the dynamic between the two of you.”