Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 101662 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 508(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 339(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101662 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 508(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 339(@300wpm)
“I, uh, we haven’t spoken?” I said, but it came out as a question. “I mean, not since I told you about…us. And I know you’re probably mad—”
“I’m not mad.”
I released a nervous chuckle. “Come on, Gabriel. I know you are. I don’t blame you for being mad, either, and—”
“I’m not mad,” he coldly cut in again.
“Gabriel—”
“What do you want, Kierra?” he said, his voice dripping with annoyance. “Did you come here to relieve yourself of guilt? Fine. Be free of the guilt. Because I’m not mad.”
“That’s not why I came.”
“Then why are you here?” he snapped, clearly mad, no matter what he was telling me.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” I said, swallowing hard.
“Okay. Thanks.” He went to close the door, and I placed my foot in the way.
“Gabriel, wait.”
“Why? You said what you needed to say, and I said thanks. End of conversation.”
“But it’s not… It’s clear you’re still mad.”
“I’m not mad!” he said once more. He grumbled under his breath and stepped out onto the porch. “Fine. You want to talk. Let’s talk. You want to believe in your head that I’m mad when I’m not mad. I just need you to get that into your head, Kierra. I’m not mad.”
“Then what are you?” I whispered. “Because it’s clear you’re not okay.”
“I’m fucking hurt,” he shouted, tossing his hands up in defeat. His voice cracked as the word hurt fell from his lips. He turned away from me and rested his hands on the porch railing. He shook his head a few times before he turned back my way. His brown eyes were flooded with emotion as he bit his lip and swallowed hard. “I’m fucking hurt, Kierra,” he murmured.
“I get it.”
“No, you don’t. You don’t get it. You don’t understand.” He shook his head in disbelief. “I needed you, Kierra,” he cried out, pounding his hand against his chest. “I fucking needed you, and you left. You walked away without looking back, leaving me with this emptiness that I couldn’t make sense of. You left me after I went through a traumatic event, and I fucking needed you.”
The strain in his voice shattered any little piece of my heart that was still beating.
He lowered his head. “I had no one,” he whispered. “I had no one to help guide me back home. I struggled for years. I thought I was losing my mind, too, because I’d dream of you and then wake up feeling more lost than ever before. You’ve fucking haunted my dreams for two decades, Kierra. So, forgive me if I didn’t answer your messages over the past few weeks, but this is a lot to process.”
“Yes, yeah. Okay. I know.”
“You said we were each other’s everything, and then you had the nerve to say you just had to leave. You gave me that bad excuse, and what? Did you just expect me to be okay? To shrug it off? Things were hard so you just left? I would’ve never done that to you. I know that I don’t remember us, but I feel us,” he said, putting his hand against his chest. “I feel you, Kierra, and I would’ve never left you at your lowest. I would’ve been by your side, reminding you day by day who we once were.”
Tears streamed down my face as I came to realize how much I’d screwed up. “There’s more to the story,” I told him, shaking my head. “There’s so much more to the story, Gabriel, and that’s why I’m here. I want to tell you everything. I want you to know all the ins and outs of who we were and what happened that night. I need you to know that if I do that, you may never want to speak to me again, but I want you to know the whole truth. The whole story. You deserve that.”
His brows narrowed as he tilted his head and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’ll tell me everything?”
“Yes. Everything.”
He hesitated for a moment, then invited me into his house. I sat on his living room couch and he sat across from me on the coffee table. “Okay. Tell me.”
The moment I started, I wanted to stop. I wanted to erase the memories of the night of the accident. I didn’t want to recall every single detail. I didn’t want to go into the darkness again, but I also wanted him to understand why I left. I wanted him to understand why all those years ago, I chose to walk away. I wanted him to understand why it was nearly impossible for me to ever come back to him.
And I wanted him to know about Elijah.
Even if it hurt me to speak his name.
21
Kierra
Nineteen Years Old
“This was the best birthday ever!” Elijah exclaimed, covered in snow as Gabriel carried the three sleds on his back. I held Elijah’s hand in mine as we danced through the snow. “Thanks for bringing me, Kierra!”