Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 84289 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84289 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
You will fall for him.
You already are.
The attention is going to your head, to your heart.
You have to squash it, Ollie.
He doesn’t want you like you want him. He can’t.
I don’t go to his room, even though I desperately, desperately want to.
It’s almost painful as I go to my own room upstairs instead of his, and when I get in my own bed, my roommate is asleep with his own girlfriend across the room from me.
And there’s a rattling, empty feeling in my core.
That’s a real relationship.
Mine isn’t.
You already have far too much power over me, Niko Berlant, and if I got in that bed with you…
I can’t think about what it would do to me.
But to him, it would mean nothing.
I’m still in a haze, and I stay strong, trying to think about anything other than him.
I grab my phone to set my alarm and that’s when I see the messages I’ve missed.
And a chill goes down my spine.
I have messages from Niko’s ex.
And they read like messages from a madman.
CallumXvX: What are u doing with him?
CallumXvX: I’m not fucking finished with Niko.
CallumXvX: U know how easily I can find u? I have ur coordinates. He always hated u. Used to tell me how badly he wanted to hurt u.
CallumXvX: Saw u deleted that comment from before. Think I didn’t see it? It’s so easy to suffocate someone in their sleep. Think about that.
CallumXvX: Try taking him from me and see what happens.
13
Niko
Niko, scrolling through comments before sleep, earlier tonight
Username: Dragonfly
At first, I didn’t pick up on it.
But as I scroll through recent comments, I realize that Hercules hasn’t commented in a while.
I liked Hercules.
Liked his comments, at least.
I don’t really care, though, because commenters don’t matter when I have enough going on in my real life with Oliver, now.
Weird to think that.
Since when is my actual life more engaging than my Dragonfly world?
It’s like everything’s become the opposite of what it once was.
Like I’d gotten so used to drowning, but now Oliver’s pulling me back above the surface.
The night Oliver doesn’t show up in my bed is the night I have the first dream.
As I fall asleep, I’m dimly aware of him denying me, even as I drift out of consciousness.
He’s not coming.
Still alone, in this bed.
The dream comes on slowly, and I’m not aware I’ve fallen asleep. I’m in Oliver’s room and he has my phone in hand, showing me the camera app.
“Film me,” he says, taking off all of his clothes, piece by piece. “I want you to post this one.”
“You don’t want these types of videos online. Trust me.”
I started putting my body online and getting attention from creeps and freaks a while ago, but I can’t imagine Oliver having those eyes on him.
I don’t want those eyes on him.
I want my eyes on him.
“Just film me. It’s hot if people see.”
He’s getting on the bed a moment later, on all fours. He spreads for me and looks back at the camera, a lustful look in his eyes.
“Ollie.”
“Take my ass. Film it. They can watch us and be jealous.”
Desire rips through me, a clouded impulse of lust hitting my veins like 140-proof alcohol. I’m so hard from the way he’s presenting himself, offering himself.
“This could ruin you,” I tell him, my voice coming out low and severe.
His eyes smolder as he looks back at me.
“Come. Use me. You’ve already ruined me anyway, Niko.”
I wake with a start from the dream, way too hot under the covers and so hard again already, only an hour after leaving Oliver in real life.
I shove the covers away, cool air hitting my skin.
My heart’s pounding.
I’m in bed alone.
And more than anything, I’m angry.
I’ve wanted to ruin Oliver Ashford for a long time. But the dream was like a spike to the heart, hurtful in a way I didn’t know I could be hurt.
In the dream…
I wanted to protect him more than I wanted to destroy him.
That’s new.
And I have no idea what to do with that feeling.
The second dream is worse.
It happens three nights later, after we’ve already made our “relationship” official on social media.
So far everything has been perfect… on the outside.
Every day, we’ve posted new pictures of us together, doing very coupley things. Holding hands, lounging on a couch together, even a picture of him with his head resting on my shoulder that we asked Weston to take.
But he’s been avoiding me.
And he won’t admit it.
After telling me he’s “busy” again, I head upstairs to my room alone and get lost in the book I have to read for my English Lit class. Hours pass and I drift to sleep on my bed with the book falling against my chest.
That’s when the bad dream starts.
This time we’re already fucking.
Our bodies are hot.
Instead of being on all fours, he’s on his back, facing up toward me so I can see his eyes.