Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 82143 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82143 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
“Yeah, but they already loaded us up with work.” I took another sip of my beer. “Do first-year students ever just… not make it to the end of the semester?” Somehow, it felt easier to confess my fears to Parker in the dark. I wasn’t even sure if my words would make it past the pain in his mind, anyway.
“It can be daunting at first, but most people do okay.”
Most.
That wasn’t exactly encouraging. When I read passages from some of the textbooks yesterday, it was like trying to decipher a foreign language. There was so much jargon and hugely long sentences with words I could understand on their own, but not when all jumbled together like that. And today in class, I’d felt as lost as I ever had. “I’m not sure I’m going to make it,” I confessed quietly.
“It was just one day, Kylie.” I glanced over, surprised to see that he was actually looking at me instead of staring off into the dark. Plus, that was the first time he’d said my name.
“I know, but… I didn’t expect it to be this hard already.” And if it was this hard the first week, what would the second week be like?
“You’ll get the hang of things. And if you don’t, there are some department programs that can help.”
“That’s good to know,” I said, and then I remembered something. “And the guy who leads my cohort’s a pretty good guy.” I glanced over at him, hoping to see a ghost of a smile in the faint light, but his expression didn’t change. Still, at least he’d finally started talking to me.
But then the silence grew between us. I didn’t want to talk more about my fears in case he started thinking I was a total loser, but I didn’t know what else to say. Instead, I finished my beer in silence.
Just when I was thinking about going back inside, Parker spoke up. “Have you ever been in love?”
“No,” I said honestly. “I wish I had.”
“I don’t.” His voice was suddenly harsh. “That whole ‘it’s better to have loved and lost’ thing is pure crap.”
I nodded, not sure what kind of response would help him the most. “I can’t even imagine how hard it must be.” A cool breeze flowed across the balcony and covered my skin with goosebumps. I readjusted my position, hugging my knees to my chest for maximum warmth.
“It’s like you have everything you ever wanted—and everything you’ll need for the rest of your life—and then it’s just gone. All of it. Your present and your future. And you’re just left wallowing in your past.”
“I’m sorry, Parker.” The words weren’t enough, but I didn’t know what else to say.
He was silent for a few minutes before he continued. “I bought a ring.”
“What?”
“I was going to propose.”
“Oh, shit. God, I’m so sorry.”
“No one knows,” he said, looking out at the sky again. “Mason took classes over the summer, and Jude did some traveling. I spent the summer in my hometown in Illinois. We spent the summer there. I was going to propose. I was just figuring out the best way to do it. Then she was gone.”
Damn that woman. Who would leave a guy like Parker? He was good-looking and kind. Judging from what I’d heard about him at the MBA orientation, he was a lot of fun when he wasn’t broken-hearted.
“A dozen times a day, I think of things I want to tell her. And everything reminds me of her. Songs. Women I see on campus. Even this damn suite. When Mason told me that we’d actually got it, I showed her the pictures we’d found online. She was so excited for me. Said she couldn’t wait to visit me here. But maybe at that point, she already knew she wouldn’t be doing that.”
“Those kinds of what if things are so hard to let go of.” I hadn’t been in love, but I was dumped once by a high school boyfriend, and I remembered how every single song I heard seemed like it was about our break-up. And Parker’s ex, presumably, was the same age as all the women around us. There must’ve been tons of things that reminded him of her. The way a woman wore her hair. Her walk. Her gestures. Her laugh. Her smile. That brought an unpleasant thought to mind. “Do… do I do anything that reminds you of her? Because I wouldn’t want to do that.”
“You’re fine.” It was his quickest answer yet, and it sounded less than sincere.
“I’m serious. If I’m doing something that hurts you, let me know… please.”
He turned toward me. “Could you not…” He trailed off, gesturing at me.
“Sorry,” I said instantly. “I didn’t mean to pry.”
“No,” he said. “I meant… the way you’re sitting. With your feet on the edge of the chair, and your knees up and your sweater pulled over them… she used to sit like that when she was cold, too.”