Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 98524 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 493(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98524 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 493(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
God. It pained me to see him like this, with his eyes so red and his lashes damp. He almost started to tear up again, but I opened the door wider to throw my arms around his neck.
With a shaky breath, he held on to me as I hugged him tight.
“I am sorry,” he whispered in my ear. “I did not mean it. I swear, I did not mean it.”
“I know,” I whispered back.
He pulled away, but only so he could clasp my face in his hands. “Do you forgive me?”
I blinked to fan my tears away. “Yes, I forgive you.”
“Okay,” he responded, sounding relieved.
I stepped back, and he followed my lead, entering the guesthouse. He had to duck his head to do so, but he managed. I held his hand and walked to the sofa so we could sit.
We sat in silence for a while. My thoughts were so loud and sharp, and I was positive his were too.
“Listen,” I said, squeezing his hands. “I know I didn’t birth Aleesa, and I know I can never be Eloise. I don’t wish to be her or to try and replace her, to make you regret or resent her—none of that. But you should know that I would do anything for Aleesa. Okay? I would die for her. Do you hear me?”
He nodded. “Yes, I hear you.”
“I can’t be her mom,” I continued, “but I can be someone who is there for her through thick and thin. I can be someone who is there for her no matter the situation, just like a loving parent or caregiver would be. Why? Because I love that little girl. I love her so much, and nothing that you say or do to me will ever change how I feel about her.”
His throat bobbed as tears accumulated in his eyes. “I understand, and again, I am so sorry.” He stroked my cheek with his thumb, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “You mean so much to me and Aleesa. So much. And yes, I know you did not birth her, but you treat her as if she is your own, and I am very thankful for that.” His lips twisted, but he didn’t dare let me go. “I know you probably have the urge to leave now, but there was no way I could let you walk away from me without at least apologizing to you face to face. If you want to go, I will not stop you, because I understand.”
I could hardly see him through my blurring vision. I blinked, causing the tears to roll down my cheeks and drip onto my lap.
“I’m not leaving,” I assured him. His eyes filled with a splash of relief. “But I am scared that you’ll realize I’m not good enough for you. And I’m also scared because every time I think I’m safe with someone, life proves me wrong and I realize I’m better off alone.”
“You do not have to be afraid,” he murmured. “I am right here, Octavia. I am not going anywhere. Please trust me on that.” He paused, studying my eyes as I did his, both of us coming to a silent understanding. His gaze dipped as he contemplated his next string of words. “Truthfully, I do not feel good enough for you. You heard Rafael. Eloise was not happy with me. I had one job and that was to make her happy, but I failed.”
“Why was she not happy?”
He released my face, dropping his head and giving his lap a slight scowl. “She never wanted me to join the NBA. We met in our home country—Argentina—before the United States noticed me when I was twenty-four. When I got drafted, she did not want to come here. But by then, we were engaged, and she knew we needed to stick together as a couple. With all the traveling I did, though, she was lonely. She would come with me sometimes, but she became tired of bouncing around so much and wanted more stability. That was understandable. I believe that is what many women want.
“She told me all the time that she wished we could go back to Argentina to be with her grandmother. Her grandmother was all she had, but she passed away two years after Eloise did. But when Eloise was alive, I suggested she look for something to do that could fill her time. So . . . she got a job as a designer’s assistant. And that is how she met Rafael—her new boss.”
“How did you find out about him?” I asked.
“Eloise told me everything about them a few weeks after we found out she was pregnant. Rafael is wrong about the timing. Eloise and I may have been on shaky ground, but we were still sleeping together. And back then, before she found out, I had no idea she had even cheated.” He paused for a second, brows stitching together. “I remember she made this really big breakfast one day, then she sat down at the table with me and said, ‘Javier, I have something to tell you.’ I knew by the look in her eyes it was not something good. But she told me everything. She told me how a relationship started with Rafael. How she did not mean for it to happen. She kept saying that she felt so alone when I was away and that he made her laugh and kept her spirits up. Just so many things that I did not even realize.”