Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 86364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
Why had I thrown all of that out the window and crawled into this helpless little ball?
Without the fire, I wouldn’t be living here with Declan, no matter how great we’d gotten along. We’d been dating for a month. Just because we’d known each other a year didn’t mean I would jump into living with him. Besides, he’d stated when we first began hanging out that he had zero interest in kids. I knew he liked and cared for Joy, but that didn’t mean that he wanted to be in a long-term relationship with someone who had a kid. Right? Because of that stupid fire and my own insecurity, we’d jumped ahead way too many steps.
No, not insecurity. Terror. I was terrified of stepping outside that front door alone with a baby. Molly was dead and my home had burned down. What was going to happen next? Would something happen to my parents? Would hackers drain my bank account? Would I break both of my hands and never be able to paint again? What if something happened to Joy?
I flinched, and my brain immediately skittered away from that horrific thought.
What the hell was I doing?
“Parker?”
My head snapped up from where I was sitting in the middle of Declan’s office. I’d been glaring at my blank sketch pad for God only knew how long. “Hey,” I said roughly. Thoughts cluttered up my brain and for a moment, I couldn’t even remember what I’d been doing. Maybe I needed some sleep. Joy had gone down for the night and I’d retreated to Declan’s office hoping to get some kind of late-night inspiration.
“Are you okay?”
I grunted and pushed to my feet. I’d stolen Declan’s desk chair and rolled it around to the center of the room. “Yeah, I’m good. Just tired, I guess.”
“Was Joy okay with daycare today?”
Placing my hand on the top of the chair, I pushed it behind Declan’s desk, putting it away. “Yeah. Traffic was a fucking bear, though. Another accident on the highway slowed everything to a crawl and got me stuck in the beginning of rush hour.”
As I moved away from Declan’s desk, he stepped past me and opened a drawer to pull out a manila folder with a stack of papers inside.
“I’ve been thinking about the daycare situation ever since Joy got sick,” Declan started, and I shuddered. Memory of the plague that swept through the house still sent a chill along my spine. Not only was it the first major illness that Joy suffered since coming into my care, but I still felt guilty for the way it cut through everyone in the house.
“What do you mean?”
Declan handed me the folder. I opened to discover that it was a thick stack of résumés. Most of the applicants appeared to be women. I read down to find that these were applicants for nannies.
“I thought that if we hired a live-in nanny to take care of Joy, you wouldn’t have to worry about making the drive to and from daycare with her. It would save you time and free you from the frustration of battling traffic. In addition, keeping Joy home would allow her to stay in her safe, familiar environment. Not to mention, it would reduce her exposure to germs and random viruses that kids are passing around.”
“No.”
“But—”
I didn’t let him get any further than that. The folder slapped closed, and I shoved it back into his hands. “Absolutely not.”
“If this is about the expense…”
“No. Thanks to all the commissions I have between you and your friends, I have plenty of money to pay for a live-in nanny. That’s not the problem. The issue I have with it is everything else. No. Absolutely not.”
The idea of handing Joy off to a nanny had my hands trembling.
“I don’t understand why you’re so upset.”
My head was shaking, but I couldn’t get the words out. Panic flooded into my brain, washing everything else away.
Declan put the folder on his desk and rested a hand on my shoulder, squeezing. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“Everything is wrong. It’s all wrong.”
“I’m sorry for suggesting the nanny. I was concerned about Joy’s health. She’s still so young and vulnerable.”
“Yes, but she’s vaccinated, and the daycare takes precautions. Viruses are always going around. Kids are walking petri dishes, growing up all kinds of nastiness. That’s part of life. Joy can’t build up a healthy immunity to germs if she never gets sick.”
I paced away from Declan and shoved my hands into my hair, grabbing handfuls and pulling. The minor pain helped to clear the fear away enough to find some words. “And what about when it’s time for her to start preschool and kindergarten? Do we hire in a teacher? She’s just homeschooled for the next eighteen years of her life? Trust me, I know school sucks. Especially high school. But there’s a lot of good shit that happens in school. Your first crush. Friends. Meeting the person who’s going to be your best friend.” I swung around and pinned him with a sharp look. “Wouldn’t your life be massively different if you’d never met Sebastian?”