Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 76573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
“That sounds odd, for you,” he said. “Not your usual routine.”
“Not at all,” I said.
There was a pause in the conversation, and I felt like I had to fill the silence. “So—”
“Come over,” he said, as if he’d been holding his breath.
“What? Now?”
“I need to see you. It’s why I called. If you’re busy, I understand, but it sounds like…”
“Like I’m definitely not busy, because I just woke up from a ridiculous, unplanned evening nap? Yeah.”
“You don’t have to, if you really can’t.”
“I’ll be there in twenty,” I said, hanging up.
I tossed on some jeans, a grey T-shirt, and a hoodie and headed over. I went around through the back gate into the yard when I got there, and found him right where I’d expected him, pruning weeds in the gardens even though it was dark out.
I walked toward him along the stone path.
“I know, I know, it’s late to be working,” he said as he saw me walking up. “But I saw the weeds and I had to grab ‘em.”
These were the moments when Luke was adorable. He may have been a big, beefy military vet who looked like he could pound anybody into the ground, but he was fucking cute, too. I went and sat at the table as he finished. He went in to wash his hands when he was done, then returned, finally sitting across from me.
“Hi,” I said softly.
“Hey,” he said.
He didn’t say anything else. He was staring at me, eyes wide, like he was waiting for something.
“All right, what the hell is up?” I asked.
“Huh?”
I snorted. “You’re looking at me like a deer in headlights. No, not a deer, a big wolf, or something.”
He took a deep breath in. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone. A moment later, he slid it in front of me.
And I got a big, blue eyeful of the BackOutThere app.
I laughed hard.
“You’re kidding,” I said. “You’re on this stupid app, too?”
“Cam,” he said, unsmiling.
“I’m not laughing at you, I promise. I just never, in a million years, would have expected you to have this.”
He leaned forward, tapping to his private messages screen. There was only one private message thread.
With LittleBit.
I glanced up at him, the smile immediately disappearing from my face. My body suddenly felt frozen, even in the summer night air.
“What?” I said.
He tapped on the thread, and there it was: all of my messages with Phlox.
“I should have told you sooner,” he said. “But when you sent these earlier tonight, I couldn’t live with myself, Cam. I knew I had to tell you.”
I suddenly felt like I was somewhere above myself, looking down to watch this situation unfold, rather than really living it myself.
“Oh, God, this is embarrassing,” I muttered when I could finally string together words.
“Embarrassing? Why?”
I stared at him. I was watching two worlds collide right in front of my face. “You’re him?”
He swallowed, nodding.
“This is bad,” I said, standing up from the table. I took off, pacing around the garden, walking under the string lights and canopy of leaves.
“I am so sorry,” he said.
“You don’t have to apologize,” I said.
“I think I really do,” he said. “You’re acting like I just told you the world is exploding or something.”
“The world isn’t exploding,” I told him. “My brain definitely is, though.”
Real-life Luke was off-limits. Even if I’d been hooking up with him. Even if I talked to him all the time. I had always known that nothing serious would happen between us, because I wasn’t going to let it.
But Phlox? Phlox had felt like he could be something. Something I was saving for a rainy day. Phlox represented hope, hope that one day I may feel ready enough to actually go after something real. To fall for someone again.
And now everything suddenly felt very, very real.
“This wasn’t part of the plan,” I said.
“You know what I think about plans,” Luke said, hesitantly.
“That they never turn out how you think they will.”
He nodded slowly. “Exactly.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
He stared at me, his sleepy eyes looking more haunted than ever. “Because I loved talking to you,” he said. “I loved it so much. And I knew it would all end if you knew it was me. You want to date other people, Cam, and that’s completely okay.”
I scrubbed my palms over my face. “You don’t know that. We talk all the time, Luke—”
“We talk about plants, and we talk about projects,” Luke said. “You barely let me into your life. Sometimes, a little, sure. But I know things need to be at a more surface level with me. When I talked to you on that dumb little app, it made me feel like I could see the real you. No rules, no plans, mask off.”
Anger flared through me. I swallowed past the tightness in my throat. “You think I’m masking my real self when I’m around you?”