Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 70630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
No. I wasn’t going to do that to us.
You can’t know if you don’t try. Take a risk.
That was apparently the theme of my summer.
Connor and I carried our makeshift lunch out to the round table on the screened-in balcony. The yard beyond us stretched wide and green—surprisingly big for a city lot. I’d rummaged through the fridge and come up with salami, a few cheeses, blueberries, pickles, and a couple beers. Connor had added crackers, some Oreos, and a bag of M&Ms he found in the pantry. Not exactly gourmet, but neither of us seemed to care.
I reached for a beer and three Oreos. After the monster hangover, a massive breakfast, and then sex that could probably be classified as a religious experience, dessert first felt like the perfect choice.
Connor laughed as I crunched down. “Dessert first?”
I grinned at him. “I think we already had dessert.”
“Mmm. I agree.” He stacked salami and cheese on a cracker and shoved the whole thing in his mouth.
We didn’t talk much while we ate. I hadn’t realized how hungry I still was—we’d burned through some serious calories. I polished off the last slice of salami and let myself relax, staring out over the backyard, basking in the summer warmth.
Then Connor spoke. “So… um… this might be an odd time to bring it up, but could I get on your schedule for regular weekly cleans?”
I blinked, surprised by the shift to business but oddly relieved it didn’t seem to bother him. “Sure. I figured you’d need to keep coming until the house sells.”
I meant that in all ways.
Connor didn’t seem to catch the double meaning. “Have you thought about keeping the house?”
I had. But that was a conversation I wasn’t ready to have with him—not when so much of that decision depended on how this thing between us played out. “Yes, but it feels kind of crazy to live in a house this big alone.”
He looked thoughtful. “It is large for the neighborhood, but by American standards, it’s not that big.”
He was right. And I did love the house. The more time I spent here, the more the bad memories started to fade—like I was rewriting them with new ones.
“I may not get an offer anytime soon,” I said finally. “I guess I’ll see how it goes.”
Connor nodded slowly. “Did you like it here when you were a kid, even with everything that happened?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “I loved this backyard. It was where I went to hide.”
Connor gave me a crooked smile. “I know something about that.”
“Hiding?” I asked.
He looked away as he nodded. A hawk flew overhead, casting its shadow across the grass. I watched it for a moment, then glanced back at him. “Beautiful, aren’t they?”
“Yes. Predators can be.”
That caught me off guard. I wanted to ask him what kind of predators he’d known, but then he started talking before I could.
“My dad died when I was three,” he said quietly. “My mom remarried not long after—once she realized she was pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby.”
I kept still, listening.
“The boyfriend hated me, and he made sure my half-brother hated me too. My mom just… didn’t care. I think I reminded her too much of my dad. My stepdad had these impossible rules. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I spent most of my time trying to stay invisible.”
I laid my hand gently on top of his. Connor turned his hand palm-up and laced our fingers together.
“I joined the Marines to get away from him.”
I squeezed his hand. “You traded one rigid system for another.”
He laughed, bitter and low. “Exactly. I thought I was escaping, but at first, it felt like more of the same. My drill instructor was brutal. Always on me, like I was his personal project. I thought he hated me, but… he didn’t. He saw something in me. Made me better. Because of him, I applied for recon.”
His posture straightened a little as he said that. He was proud. I could see it in his eyes, feel it in his voice. But whatever had happened later had dragged that pride through the dirt.
“You’re still hiding now,” I said before I could stop myself.
Connor went still.
Shit. Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut?
“Yes,” he said finally. “I am.”
David’s voice echoed in my head. You have no business dating someone who’s ashamed of who he is.
I braced for Connor to shut down again, but he surprised me.
“I couldn’t come out over there. I had to trust my team with my life, and most of them didn’t want a homo at their back. There were guys in recon who were out, but it wasn’t easy for them. I’d already been torn down enough growing up. I didn’t need more of that, so I stayed quiet, played the part.”
“And now?”
He hesitated. “I can’t get the voices out of my head. The ones that say I’m wrong. Unnatural. That I’m not a real man if I don’t want a woman.”