Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81018 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81018 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
God, I missed him kissing me back. I missed his hands on me and his arm around me. I missed the way we’d sleep naked, entwined in each other, and I’d wake feeling his breath on my skin. The thought of never having those experiences again terrified me to my core, the way nothing ever had before, so I forced myself to focus on when we’d have that again, not if.
Staying positive was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, but I refused to fail Alex by falling down a rabbit hole of negativity.
I refused to fail us.
So, yes, that meant taking care of myself.
“Okay, I’m out.” Trevor smiled at me and turned his head for a kiss on the cheek, which I gave him with a chuckle. The guy was not shy about asking for what he wanted.
“Don’t come back until you’ve showered, eaten, slept, and rubbed one out, okay?”
I laughed. The first one in days. Part of me felt guilty for it. What right did I have to laugh when Alex wasn’t even conscious? Still, I forced a smile and saluted Trevor. “Yes, sir.” I’d do all but jerk off. I’d be saving my next orgasm for Alex and Alex alone.
Even though I’d come back soon, and the rational side of my brain knew Alex would never be aware of my short absence or begrudge me for it if he was, every step away from him pierced my heart.
I rubbed a hand over the left side of my chest as I forced myself to leave the room, walk out of the ICU, down the hall, and out to my car, which still sat in the ER parking lot with a ticket. Turned out, security paid attention to how long someone left their car there without moving it to the longer-term visitor’s lot, especially when you parked over the line like a jackass.
Truth be told, I probably shouldn’t be driving myself anywhere. I remember reading an article once while waiting in a doctor’s office comparing new mothers to intoxicated drivers due to their sleep deprivation. That’s how I felt on that ride. If I’d been pulled over, I’d have probably failed field sobriety testing and ended up arrested for drunk driving without an ounce of alcohol in my bloodstream—just a few days of cat naps in an uncomfortable chair.
But someone was looking out for me because I made it to the penthouse with my body and car in one piece.
“Good afternoon, sir,” the doorman said as he held the door for me. “Your order was just delivered to your door. Have a great day.”
I didn’t know him well since I didn’t tend to come and go at this time of day. “Um, what? My order?” I asked, blinking at him through the fog of my fatigue.
“Your food…I’m sorry, did I mix you up with someone else?” he asked, cheeks flushing.
Trevor. My saint of a friend must have had food delivered to me. “No, no, you’re right. I’m sorry. Rough couple of days.”
He nodded, seeming to sag in relief. “Hope it improves, sir.”
“Thank you. You have a good one.”
When I stepped out of the elevator and found a delivery bag from my favorite Italian restaurant waiting at my door, I burst into tears. The only way Trevor would have known to purchase food from the tiny, hole-in-the-wall restaurant was if Alex told him how much I loved their food. Nonna Bruna’s served the most authentic Northern Italian food I’d had outside of Northern Italy.
“Fuck, I miss you,” I muttered to the empty hall outside my penthouse. Whatever energy I had left leeched out of me right there, and I rested my head against the door. “Get your shit together.”
I needed to eat, shower, and sleep in that order. When he woke up, Alex would need me at my best. So that’s what I did. I devoured the risotto and ossobuco in record time, then stood under a scalding shower for a solid thirty minutes before collapsing face-first into bed with my towel still around my hips. Thankfully, before hopping in the shower, I had the forethought to set an alarm for an hour before I planned to return to the hospital.
When the alarm blared, I peeled my gritty eyes open only to have my gaze land on Alex’s empty side of the bed. The past few days came crashing back to me in a rush of heavy emotions. I scooted over and buried my face in Alex’s pillow, inhaling his scent. One I could pick out in the dark among a hundred men. Cradled by his essence, I allowed myself a ten-minute pity party before dragging my sorry ass out of bed.
I threw on some joggers and a Boston University T-shirt before padding out of the bedroom. Just as I was about to text Trevor for an update and to let him know my ETA, a soft knock drew my attention to the door.